Awake

It's time for me to awake.
It's not my privilege to dream.

Banner Lost

If you are reading this, I would like your help!
I have lost my banner a couple of days ago, so I have replaced it with this old one.

If you happen to be my blog regular visitor, please check ur internet temporary file, see whether my banner image is still there or not.
The banner has a name "simpleflower", so please type in and search simpleflower in your internet temporary file. Copy the image file and paste it at somewhere, and then send it to me.

I will be very very grateful if someone can find my old banner back, I'll treat you a good dinner! I forgot to back up the banner, and the hosting image was damaged.

Back

I'm back, and it's hot.

Going back

Opps, I'm going back already, that means it's time to change the music in my blog to my theme song. =D

I'll always put this song when I'm going back to Malaysia, back to my own bright room, with a lot of sun light coming in, because of the many windows.

It always has been like this when I'm going back, when I reach Malaysia I'll probably play this song again in piano.

Tomorrow night I'll be sleeping on my sea of bed in Malaysia, maybe I'll grab one of the puppies to sleep with me. ;)

Run

Why do I always run? I not really sure about that exactly.
Sometimes I feel like I was chasing something, sometimes I feel like I was running away from something.

It's sad emotions that I'm running away from, or things that I don't want to think about. There's a lake over the campus center there, when I see the lake reflection of the moon and night, it clears away everything inside my head and heart.

It's dream and ambition that I'm chasing, or something that I desire but I just couldn't get. The lake is like a mirror, it tells me whether I'm still there yet or not. Even I'm not there yet, it will show the thing that I want or desire to me.

I'm not sure when I'll stop running, probably never.
What am I designed for? Sometimes I feel I'm designed to change, I'm not sure how.

I realised that running has been my habits since I was in Malaysia, I have this habit of speeding with my car, I even speed until my new car broken, which is very rare. I hit the accelerator to full from KL to Alor Star.

I exhausted, I wish I can stop already, but too bad I cant. There's still something I need to achieve.

Inspiration

My inspiration meter is very full now, I almost can make a song at any moment, I even dreamed of me composing a song.

But I have to wait, it's not time yet.

The past

Hah... Thanks for everything... I'm glad to know that it happens to be like what I said... perhaps one day I'll be fading in your memory when you grown up... at least I left something to you, you picked up violin, chinese instruments and piano... Sorry for the pains I caused... I know one day you will be like what I said to you many years ago... =)

Reality

It doesn't matter how you look, it only matters if you can afford this.

It's the thing I'm born to do, I don't need to consider it.
But thanks to this person in the video, he is just a living proof for everyone.

It's not the look that gets you a hot and perfect wife.

Assignment finished

I spent too much time on my assignment, but glad I've finally finished it.

It's still not the end of the race yet, I'll have to catch up with my study and revise for the coming exam.
Tough, but I have to pull this out.

I have something to say recently, it's too late right now, maybe I'll do it in few days time.
I'm going to sleep first.

Every night I'm hearing windbell... I kinda like it right now...

Song

Will start to make song again.

Finally I got my very own internet (I was sharing with downstairs friends before).
I also upgraded my IBM wireless technology to the latest (supporting N, 150mbps).

And so, my ancient IBM laptop is now back to use.
That means I'm back to music making as well, because I only use my IBM laptop for composition.

I remember that I promised to make R&B rap for my next song, so I guess it will be coming soon.

Windbell

At night it is quiet, very quiet.

All I can hear is the sound of calm wind, and windbell.

"Ting, Ting..."

I almost feel like Takumi when he was driving AE86, he had that "Ting" sound in his car.

It's tranquilizing in effect...

Nice song

Damn love the music that is playing right now on my blog,
it's a mixture of 黑人 R&B and nippon kawaii voice, damn awesome!!
I'll be listening it in my Ipod touch non-stop already.
Hope that I can make this kinda song, maybe I can make it already...
If only I know how to make mp3, I'm currently restricted to midi using piano and guitar only. If only I can ultilise more music instruments in my music making...

The life right now

There have been a lot of things happened this lately, my life is slightly convoluted right now. I'll start to write more about my search for the perfect theory for various thing in life, I have learned quite a few things from different people I've met recently.

And about the layout of my blog, I wonder when I'll have the time to change it.
And if I want to change it, I still have no idea what kind of layout that I want atm.

About music, I have no inspiration this lately, lost my source of inspiration again I guess. I wish I could meet someone that can give me endless of inspiration one day, someone has told me, that I'll meet that person. But I told her back, "you could be that person, but atm I do not desire any gf." She said I'll have that feeling back, I'm not sure she is right.

I wish that I will attain my dream one day, that is to stand on the podium of politic, to make substantial and good change to the people.

The theory

After all what I have encountered, I've finally realised something which is very important.

Two days ago I had a very long conversation with my ex-gf's sister. She is a korean. We talked about a lot of things, and shared a lot of thoughts together. Things like her life and my life and mainly about relationship. I also took the occasion to ask a little about my ex-gf, but there were only little of informations I could pull. I wasn't really interested to know about her, I asked only as a manner of courtesy.

That is not the main thing I wish to share here, the thing that I want to share is what I discerned or discovered from during our lengthy conversation.

I realised that Love doesn't have to start with Like.

Because what I had been telling her was, there are some people who aren't really nice looking, but there are able to find and have their own partner. The thing to justify this is, that girl probably didn't like him at the first place, but the guy probably put a lot of effort in chasing her, eventually he sort of succeeded in making her touched, and the feeling that the girl have is probably love.

I said that in spontaneous when she told me that if she doesn't like a person it means end of the story. But I think the opposite, because I have seen a lot of examples where ugly guy or ugly girl gets a good looking gf or bf. It's not because they are rich or something, that factor should be precluded because I knew they were not rich.

But then, later after that, I discovered another thing again: Hate or dislike can start with Like.

That is also true because I'm one of the victims. That happens when the opposite doesn't get what they want in return. I'm however not that kinda person, unless that girl is just playing with my feeling, then it might be plausible for me to hate her a little bit. In general I wont and never hate a person that I like before. I don't need to explain further, it's enough if you feel this is possible, if you don't then it's ok. Just keep in mind of my point.

So if Love doesn't have to start with Like, and Hate or Dislike can start with Like.

Is that So Important To Like A Person?

To love a person is something that we can't explain completely, there's a possibility to love a person who doesn't really meet your expectations. That possibility exists when that person possesses an overwhelming determination and love towards a person. Therefore, love is sort of infectious, in the sense that it infects the person it wants to, but not necessary successful all the time.

So here I'm denouncing my previous theory that says we should like people based on their look.

I formulated and proposed a lot of theories regarding that topic, I think I have closed that post because right now I'm not entirely agreed with it.

I even went so far to propound that we should choose people based on their look because of their Genes or DNA factor. But it was mainly about the point that we shouldn't lower our expectations, requirements, and standard, in choosing our gf or bf.

But right now I think I was wrong, since I realised love doesn't have to start with like, although it may start with like, from one point of view, my previous theory is crumbled with that possibility. (But I still believe my previous theory is not entirely wrong)

I have known what I have to do in the future. I shall not repeat my past wrongs.

A picture of us

Time will fade the colour of this picture...

I finally realised that even that I like everything about a person, I might not like the person itself.

I feel nothing when everything is clear.

Hope I can meet another person like her, but she will be the one that can make my heart pounds and make me happy when she is around, and sad when she leaves.

Win

At the verge of losing, U told me not to lose on street basketball, and I recovered, that day we were challenged by everyone until the day turned dark, and we were undefeated. At that moment, I felt like God walking among human.

I was made aggressive, I used to be a person that didn't care about winning or losing.

Now I'm labelled as competitive, is that a good thing or bad thing? I understand how people would feel about a person who is very competitive, they would most probably don't like it. But I hate the feeling of losing as well.

Losing for a silly game is nothing, but if losing for a real game, the feeling is bad.

I remember that day when my friend told me that words, "To play a real game is to win", I replied "But is win or lose really that matters?" He said "there's no meaning of entering a game and then not care about the outcome"

I think he meant at least we should aim for winning, not prepared for losing.

I have been labelled as competitive, I not sure it's a good thing. But I'll still strive for winning, and I will not be too apparent on that too. Regardless of what people think, it's the heart to win that determines the outcome of a game, if you don't have the heart to win, you are just depending on luck, and sheer skills is not enough in a lot of circumstances.

I'll be competitive, regardless of what you think.

But I know the limit, I'm not SO competitive to the stage that I'm loathed by people.

Be the stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:22 AM)

if u continue thinking about the girl

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:27 AM)

why you cant get her love

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:30 AM)

then u will negative

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:43 AM)

why not u dont think many people get pretty gf

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:43:46 AM)

but if i very like her?

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:48 AM)

but they also will break 1 day

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:55 AM)

if you like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:59 AM)

she dont like you

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:03 AM)

it is very suffer

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:06 AM)

i face it before

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:13 AM)

but if you really like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:19 AM)

you can continue chase her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:22 AM)

be a stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:25 AM)

and wait for 1 year

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:29 AM)

she get a bf

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:33 AM)

then you find me to cry

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:38 AM)

because i already prepare to do that

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:42 AM)

when she gets a bf, i can faint u know

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:52 AM)

ok meng

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:56 AM)

I listen to u

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:01 AM)

i be the stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:05 AM)

haha

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:10 AM)

i also be stupid now

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:11 AM)

i will find u and cry can?

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:18 AM)

I love being stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:19 AM)

no problem

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:22 AM)

i love ur plan

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:23 AM)

me too

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:25 AM)

i wan to be stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:28 AM)

after 5 years

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:35 AM)

you think about that

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:38 AM)

you tell urself

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:49 AM)

at least i have try my best to chase a girl that i love

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:54 AM)

although fail jor

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:59 AM)

but i do what i can do

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:46:18 AM)

is better than be a 逃兵

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:46:58 AM)

ur right

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:46:58 AM)

good

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:47:01 AM)

im too coward

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:11 AM)

because that night i emo for wholde

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:19 AM)

i dono how to face her after i told her i like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:30 AM)

but i think for wholde day

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:32 AM)

i told myself

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:47 AM)

my world without her still will continue to run

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:48:20 AM)

u touch me meng.

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:35 AM)

i appreciate the time i with her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:43 AM)

i be a stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:54 AM)

and try my best to give her what i can give her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:05 AM)

although i know she still wont like me

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:07 AM)

this is me

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:32 AM)

i cant be the perfect one, but i am who i am

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:49:45 AM)

thank u for telling me this

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:57 AM)

haha

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:11 AM)

that day i want cry

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:14 AM)

but cant cry out

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:15 AM)

haha

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:50:25 AM)

u good

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:29 AM)

but i like her

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:50:34 AM)

ur story touches me

.................

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:34 AM)

and then maybe she didnt accept u

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:42 AM)

u already become a better man that before

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:54 AM)

and this is ur resume to chase other girl

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:56:15 AM)

because ronald after 6months is better ronald that currnet ronald

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:56:37 AM)

en

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:56:42 AM)

i will remember ...

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:59:13 AM)

thanks meng..

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:59:19 AM)

sure

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:59:23 AM)

we are brother ma

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:59:34 AM)

En =)

I'll be the stupid.

When I put this song

Usually when I put this song, it means I'm going back to Malaysia soon.

This song, which is currently playing on my blog, is sort of my theme song, and I always play it during my trip back to Malaysia with my Ipod. It feels good to listen to it, while enjoying the paddy field up from airplane. I'll play it on piano too when I back.

But am I going back to Malaysia? Most probably not.

I'm playing this song because I damn miss Malaysia.

My friend asked me to be high class, don't respond to thing that people never intended to invite you. I had been stupid to ask permission to join for that trip for like 2-3 times and got rejected bluntly like shit, because I was kinda irrational that time after hearing who are going, and I lowered my self-esteem to ask her. The usual me wouldn't do that, but doesn't matter already.

After that, my friend invited me to go Sydney with him, and I've said yes.

I'll go Sydney with my friend and his friends who I don't know at all. Yes, that's how a true friend is, he knows I can mingle with anyone I like. There will be 6 of us going to Sydney, and it will be an awesome trip.

There's only one person I cant mingle with, that is the person I like her to be my gf.

Anyway, it will be a nice winter for me in Australia. I hope it will be better than Malaysia. Therefore I have to study hard to get good result, if not I'll feel too guilty to holiday also.

Stupid self-picture

As title.











I know what you are thinking, shuddap please, I'm just trying something new.
And I want to say 사랑해비。

Ok damn sad right now, I called back to my home just to wish my mom Happy Mother's Day,
Guess what!?! They all left to Shanghai for Holiday !!! And I didn't even know about it. My dad, mom, and two sisters they all went together, left my little sis at home and she told me that.

Super awesome, they are now happy at Shanghai, I just chat with my mom 5 days ago, they didn't even tell me. Because they sure know I will ask them not to go, and so they secretly go. Ok, I want go Ski camp already!! I don't care!!

I tried called them in Shanghai but didnt work.

I still wanna say:
Mom, Happy Mother's Day!!! I say this to you every year and never miss, I hope you can hear this in Shanghai. I wish I can kiss you like when I was in Malaysia every year. I love you mom!! Miss you!!

Freedom

I'm free finally.

I confessed to her this morning and at the same time, I expressed my intention to give up on her too.

It wont happened if she never rejected my invitation for a meal, it all started when I was rejected for like 3 times. One thing I don't understand is why I couldn't have a simple meal with her as a normal friend at first, she just kept on rejecting me.

Basically, it shattered my confidence. It rendered me unable to talk to her normally over time.

But I finally freed myself from it, I no need to feel depressed anymore because of the reason that we cant communicate, not just that I'm damn happy and have this sense of big relief, because I feel free to flirt with anyone right now. =)