Saturday, December 19, 2009

The link

The link between two worlds is me. If so, what am I?
Which side do I belong?

I know where I was born, and where I came from.
But a person can be tained so easily, that it is harder, even to breathe.

Even clear water needs to be purfied, constantly, in order to be pure, or free of any contamination.
It requires a lot of determination to remain in the state of nobility, or meritorious, deserving of being praised.

I'm definitely not deserve of being praised, right now.

There's a fine line between these two worlds,
One must choose where he belongs, and should not be jumping over there and here.

I shall not be the fallen one, because I'm a dictator of myself, you cannot and shall not influence me.

There's only one side that will not be perished, I'll be as pure as possible, in order to be eligible to remain there.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My new room

I have to sleep on the floor, there's no bed frame. I quite like it because it feels quite good, but not good for health as they said.

It's pretty much bright and white. I got a fully white double bed and pillows, the quilt is fully white as well. I took a photo of my bed but the reflection of light was too intense, wont be able to see anything actually so I didn't upload it.

I got a Samsung LCD tv which is black, an IBM laptop and printer which are in black as well. And the bags are black, so it's sorta balance a bit.

The apartment is quite a modern one, there are two rectangular windows until the floor in my room. My actual room in malaysia got 35-45% walls are windows, so the windows here give me the feeling of my own actual room too, which is extremely bright and white.

Something like that, my actual room in Malaysia.

I'll take more photo of my new room next time. I'm quite lazy to take out my Canon Camera (not web cam) to take picture right now. I realised that I can't use my web cam to shoot, I need to stand at a distance to do so, hence just one picture. =P

I'm living with a person right now. The apartment is a two bedroom apartment, so things are pretty simple and tidy.

Sorry for the abnormal posts this lately, I guess nobody would understand what I wrote.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

what can I do?

perhaps, nothing...

or maybe not...

Please give me a chance and I'll do this right...

The conclusion that will never be told.

I have all the answers that I wanted since I was a child. What's next?

I have known (1) why a person rather to become a beggar, than work. (2) Why a person has so little ambition, that a job as a cleaner is already a satisfaction. That covers not just the job as a cleaner, but other jobs which have low income and wages. (3) Why a person would become a prostitute, even though she is very pretty and capable of matching with any celebrities. (4) Why a person could be so evil, mischievous. (5) Why a person has no value or principle to guide him. (6) Why a person is so not considerate and always put his own interest as first, others as second or less, and not care for other in any aspect.

(4)-(6) can be categorized as one, because I can use one general answer for them.
(3) has many answers and it's by far the most complex to understand.
(2) Is almost the same as (1) but not really.
(1) gave me the most valuable answer, it provided me the basis to understand people more.

I shall not make any conclusion at here. What I've learnt is confined to myself.
And I shall use the knowledges for the good. As I'm now have more understanding of the people's choice, and how they make their choices, I'm now more able to accept them as part of the society.

(4) - (6) are better left as they be, unless repent. (1) can be prevented, but not exactly be saved. (2) can be improved, but not exactly be changed. It's just number (3)... I still don't know what to do about it.

Even that I have said what can be done about it, there are still ways to fix or improve this. That's what I believe. I carry the burdens, with the knowledge I have.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I have known the truth, and my heart tears.
I have understood why, why someone has to be distained. Not everyone has the privilege to make a choice, not everyone knows how to choose even if they got the choice, and not everyone will choose the right one.

I shall refrain myself, forever, in order to respect her, respect her dignity and soul. She has a special place in my heart, even though we did nothing. I understand her predicament, it's not what she wanted.

I have completed my quest, thank you.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I'm sinned, The hungry for knowledge requires that much of sacrification.

I'm sinned, Is there any redemption or salvation for me?

I'm sinned, One day they would know.

I'm sinned. And it ends here, now.

Friday, December 11, 2009

The walk

The world has rotten.

I'll do something that would distain my reputation, in order to know the truth. As I gained more insight, I knew it became more darker than I thought. A person soul is the most valuable thing in this world, some would suffer in this world and some would not, all due to the reason that we don't belong to this world. One day we all shall return to where we belong.

With the knowledges of either side, I increase the burden that I carried. And I shall only discharge those burdens when I return, by making me myself the slave of mankind.

Nothing could salve my conscience.
I have never been tainted, nor shall I be, Please forgive me.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The place

Today marks the first time I ever lost, before this I really cant accept to lose.

I did as I was told. But what happened to my perfectionist view? Fuking undermines it. But it doesn't matter, to always win means I must be stronger. Currently I'm not, I don't really like to lose, but if you never lose you'll never win. It's like randomly fire a gun and see what it hits.

I prefer I only need to fire once.
I'll reach the place. Where non is able to reach, it's ridiculously godlike, and I shall be there alone.

Misconception, Otaku? or playboy? I'm already one of them.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

New Song

I'll make it short, because I'm typing on the floor...

1) I have completed a new song.
2) Don't have chair and table, it's hard for me to do composition.
3) Sitting in a bad position on the floor makes parts of my body sore.

About the song.
1) Completed in 3 hours, took me so long because of reason 2 just now.
2) It may be very noisy and complex for some poeple, but not for me, because I can separate the music in my head.
3) Have a lot of inspiration this lately, because of.... (I mentioned about my source of inspiration before)
4) Lazy to make any further improvement or change, no need to tell me any of your unsatisfaction or complaint after you listen to this song, unless authorised.

Here's the song:

Please enjoy and listen until the end, there's a difference of course, more noisy mah.
PS: use window media player to play, you sure cannot tahan if you use quick time player.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Busy busy busy

I'm extremely busy this lately, job hunting, summer course, adjusting to new apartment and environment, hell lots of things for me to do.

Also going out with friends, wasting and spending money. = =

I think my Otaku identity is getting more and more obsolete. Don't have time to write song or watch anime already, furthermore, I don't have table or chair atm, I cant really lie on the bed all the time while using the laptop.