Saturday, December 19, 2009

The link

The link between two worlds is me. If so, what am I?
Which side do I belong?

I know where I was born, and where I came from.
But a person can be tained so easily, that it is harder, even to breathe.

Even clear water needs to be purfied, constantly, in order to be pure, or free of any contamination.
It requires a lot of determination to remain in the state of nobility, or meritorious, deserving of being praised.

I'm definitely not deserve of being praised, right now.

There's a fine line between these two worlds,
One must choose where he belongs, and should not be jumping over there and here.

I shall not be the fallen one, because I'm a dictator of myself, you cannot and shall not influence me.

There's only one side that will not be perished, I'll be as pure as possible, in order to be eligible to remain there.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My new room

I have to sleep on the floor, there's no bed frame. I quite like it because it feels quite good, but not good for health as they said.

It's pretty much bright and white. I got a fully white double bed and pillows, the quilt is fully white as well. I took a photo of my bed but the reflection of light was too intense, wont be able to see anything actually so I didn't upload it.

I got a Samsung LCD tv which is black, an IBM laptop and printer which are in black as well. And the bags are black, so it's sorta balance a bit.

The apartment is quite a modern one, there are two rectangular windows until the floor in my room. My actual room in malaysia got 35-45% walls are windows, so the windows here give me the feeling of my own actual room too, which is extremely bright and white.

Something like that, my actual room in Malaysia.

I'll take more photo of my new room next time. I'm quite lazy to take out my Canon Camera (not web cam) to take picture right now. I realised that I can't use my web cam to shoot, I need to stand at a distance to do so, hence just one picture. =P

I'm living with a person right now. The apartment is a two bedroom apartment, so things are pretty simple and tidy.

Sorry for the abnormal posts this lately, I guess nobody would understand what I wrote.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

what can I do?

perhaps, nothing...

or maybe not...

Please give me a chance and I'll do this right...

The conclusion that will never be told.

I have all the answers that I wanted since I was a child. What's next?

I have known (1) why a person rather to become a beggar, than work. (2) Why a person has so little ambition, that a job as a cleaner is already a satisfaction. That covers not just the job as a cleaner, but other jobs which have low income and wages. (3) Why a person would become a prostitute, even though she is very pretty and capable of matching with any celebrities. (4) Why a person could be so evil, mischievous. (5) Why a person has no value or principle to guide him. (6) Why a person is so not considerate and always put his own interest as first, others as second or less, and not care for other in any aspect.

(4)-(6) can be categorized as one, because I can use one general answer for them.
(3) has many answers and it's by far the most complex to understand.
(2) Is almost the same as (1) but not really.
(1) gave me the most valuable answer, it provided me the basis to understand people more.

I shall not make any conclusion at here. What I've learnt is confined to myself.
And I shall use the knowledges for the good. As I'm now have more understanding of the people's choice, and how they make their choices, I'm now more able to accept them as part of the society.

(4) - (6) are better left as they be, unless repent. (1) can be prevented, but not exactly be saved. (2) can be improved, but not exactly be changed. It's just number (3)... I still don't know what to do about it.

Even that I have said what can be done about it, there are still ways to fix or improve this. That's what I believe. I carry the burdens, with the knowledge I have.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I have known the truth, and my heart tears.
I have understood why, why someone has to be distained. Not everyone has the privilege to make a choice, not everyone knows how to choose even if they got the choice, and not everyone will choose the right one.

I shall refrain myself, forever, in order to respect her, respect her dignity and soul. She has a special place in my heart, even though we did nothing. I understand her predicament, it's not what she wanted.

I have completed my quest, thank you.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I'm sinned, The hungry for knowledge requires that much of sacrification.

I'm sinned, Is there any redemption or salvation for me?

I'm sinned, One day they would know.

I'm sinned. And it ends here, now.

Friday, December 11, 2009

The walk

The world has rotten.

I'll do something that would distain my reputation, in order to know the truth. As I gained more insight, I knew it became more darker than I thought. A person soul is the most valuable thing in this world, some would suffer in this world and some would not, all due to the reason that we don't belong to this world. One day we all shall return to where we belong.

With the knowledges of either side, I increase the burden that I carried. And I shall only discharge those burdens when I return, by making me myself the slave of mankind.

Nothing could salve my conscience.
I have never been tainted, nor shall I be, Please forgive me.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The place

Today marks the first time I ever lost, before this I really cant accept to lose.

I did as I was told. But what happened to my perfectionist view? Fuking undermines it. But it doesn't matter, to always win means I must be stronger. Currently I'm not, I don't really like to lose, but if you never lose you'll never win. It's like randomly fire a gun and see what it hits.

I prefer I only need to fire once.
I'll reach the place. Where non is able to reach, it's ridiculously godlike, and I shall be there alone.

Misconception, Otaku? or playboy? I'm already one of them.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

New Song

I'll make it short, because I'm typing on the floor...

1) I have completed a new song.
2) Don't have chair and table, it's hard for me to do composition.
3) Sitting in a bad position on the floor makes parts of my body sore.

About the song.
1) Completed in 3 hours, took me so long because of reason 2 just now.
2) It may be very noisy and complex for some poeple, but not for me, because I can separate the music in my head.
3) Have a lot of inspiration this lately, because of.... (I mentioned about my source of inspiration before)
4) Lazy to make any further improvement or change, no need to tell me any of your unsatisfaction or complaint after you listen to this song, unless authorised.

Here's the song:

Please enjoy and listen until the end, there's a difference of course, more noisy mah.
PS: use window media player to play, you sure cannot tahan if you use quick time player.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Busy busy busy

I'm extremely busy this lately, job hunting, summer course, adjusting to new apartment and environment, hell lots of things for me to do.

Also going out with friends, wasting and spending money. = =

I think my Otaku identity is getting more and more obsolete. Don't have time to write song or watch anime already, furthermore, I don't have table or chair atm, I cant really lie on the bed all the time while using the laptop.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Found a new place

Finally, I have found a new house. I'll be moving there by this saturday.

I'll have to buy some furniture, will have to spend money again.
Hope I can quickly find a job to earn back the money I squandered.

The weather is crazy here, it was very hot few days ago, now it's cold again. I miss the weather at Malaysia where it's stable and constant, there is no worries about what cloth to wear and bring. At here, you wear T-shirt and you thought it will be hot today but it might be cold at night or evening.

Talk back about my new place, I'll be living with a girl that I just know.
I guess if it doesn't matter to her, it doesn't matter to me as well, I just want a comfortable place to live, and that place is the best. It's modern and nice.
Most importantly she is quite a person I can live with, that's how I feel.. because I feel comfortable with her.

Thank God allowed me to find such a good place.

Looks dumb, I just wanna put something which is recent of me, so I don't care.
I always look thin and skinny, because of the cloth is baggy.

Oh one more thing, why is it I can still see changes on my body? I mean I can see my chest hairs sprout out and growing a bit. and my beard is getting more. There's still a transformation on my body, I thought I'm already over with puberty, so I guess not. I'm still on puberty.

Is that a good thing? I'm 21 already. Not so sure I should see anymore transformation on my body. Is this all started when I started to gym? The hair is not long luckily, if not I'll go lasser it no choice, it's just short and thin. Blah, why am I discussing about this? =P

Friday, November 20, 2009


My exam finished 5 days ago, I spent those 5 days for playing, watching movie, shopping, eat and sleep, basically I did nothing significant.

I deleted the game last night, I played enough already. It's time to start a serious life back.

I have said before that I wanted to change my image from Otaku to 型男, and I really started to do something about it. I spent like $700 aussie dollar to buy cloths. In Malaysia I can buy twice the amount of cloth with that much of money, unfortunately I wont be going home, that's why I spent money on buying cloth that much. One piece of cloth here cost about RM 200 at Malaysia, that just the t-shirt, for the pants, it will definitely cost RM 300 and above. That's why I could only bought a few cloths with that amount of money.

There will be a renovation on my blog soon, a lot of stuff I didn't do, I'll update my blog often, make it more interesting. Hope I can get more time, and I'm moving out with somebody soon, not sure whether it's a good place or not yet, tomorrow I'll know.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Sad song

One more exam to go, and I'm a free man.

I was thinking, and something hit me. I was thinking why the hell am I writing all sad songs. Well most of them are sad, I did write some chirpy songs but they are just few.

To be honest, I like to write sad song, I don't like to be sad, but I do like to write sad song. And there's one more in my head, reading to be let out. I guess I'll be continue to write sad song for a very long time.

I'm 100% not a sad person, I watched Stephen Chow's movies for hundreds or thousands of times, because I like them, I like to be amused, I like to crack cranky jokes and laugh. And I really don't like people who always appears as sad, like my friend, I talked her out of it, she was a person who always depressed and I couldn't stand it, I asked her not to be sad, tried all my ways and means to keep her happy, and I did it.

I extremely hate sad mood, but I do like to see girl with sad faces, it has to be not totally sad, it has to be a little bit sad that kind of degree. Don't like it when a girl is always sad as well, I like girl to be chirpy, joyful, bright, but not nosy.

So I certainly don't want my future gf to listen to any of my music, because it's sad. Sad as in Blue. I like Blue, not the colour but the music. I have part of me living in a sad world, but it only manifested in my music. In my imaginary world, it's much about a love story, a love story that never exists in the real world. Why I say it never exists? because I never have a great love relationship before, all I had was the old puppy love and a short term relationship.

Shit, it sucks. Better get off my single life quick, but I really don't know how. All I know is the cheap method of "internet". I never really tried in real. But I reckon that all is going to be changed. Because! I have a master to teach me, he is a playboy, handsome, and really a girl killer. His body is like a ferrari in the car world, therefore any girl would fall for him. That is only when I get back to Malaysia, to receive his training.

Until then I'll just study hard and build up my body. I love Uni life, because I think, I sort of like to study.... hmm.... how could that be?

Monday, November 9, 2009

It happened

My fear had resulted.

It starts like this:
X is a friend of Y, Y is a person who is totally against me. Y was very against me, for whatsoever reason I didn't know or knew but not sure. Therefore, if you ask Y about me, there sure be hell lot of negative comments, I knew that very well because I had heard what she said about me before. X is a good friend of Y, therefore I suspected influence on X. Hence, I would like to shut X mouth as well, imagined X and Y hanged together for so much time, anything come out of X mouth would be uncomplimentary of me.

Whether I succeed or failed, I'm not sure. But it doesn't matter because I chose to retrive information from X while exposed myself to such risk. That information proved to be valuable to me, and I'm satisfied with the result.

I have to admit that I only like pretty girl, but not ugly girl. That's my preference, like you like to eat ice cream or chocolate. It's completely personal, even some people would view such as not a good thing. But that's stupid, why not? Why not like pretty girl but ugly girl?

That preference had given me a lot of haters at high school. I was quite a popular guy in my high school, a lot of juniors approached me, but I only talked to those who were better looking. Those who were fat and ugly, who appeared repulsive to me, had less of my attention (girl only, guy I don't have preference). I admit it is wrong, but it's too late.

So everything comes out from them about me is negative, I had seen it, heard it myself. That is why I don't want any comment from them.

Why pretty girl?

As to I only like pretty girl, it's my choice and preference, it's completely personal. It's like you like ice cream but dislike chocolate. Why not like pretty girl? I can see no reason for that at all. What I have changed is I make friends with anyone, I don't care about their look, but I would want my gf to be pretty, because that's what I like. There's nothing wrong with like only looks, it's not because a person likes about looks then he is shallow.

It's what I like, I can't deny it and by saying it's not good or something. That is a common misconception. Already there are many people who choose their partner based on look. And another misconception is, people who are pretty are generally of bad character. That is bullshit, there are bilions of people in this world, how many of them are good looking and bad looking? there are people who are good looking and of good character, and there is a saying "appearance sprouts from your heart". I'm not saying that I agreed with that judging people like that, but what I'm saying is everyone is different.

Another good point I would like to raise is, good looking people are contented with themselves, therefore grown conceited and have bad character in general. That's a very good point, but it doesn't apply to everyone. Still there are many many many good looking people with good character. Have you ever seen a violent criminal with good looking and handsome face? again, everything is not what the general community thinks. It's what you encounter and what you received and then perceive.

For me, there are certainly people with good looks and good character. Why choose to give up one side but have another? I can't stand people with bad character as well, it will only bring shame to myself. SO, you can have both. Have both in balance. A person who is good character must at least good looking, a person who is good looking must have at least good character. Again, it's completely a personal choice, I'm not urging anyone to follow me.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

A simple song

It's been a long time since I last published a song here.
Finally I got a new songs already, they are just simple songs.

Here's the songs:

最后 and 感觉来了

I wrote the second song after I had a 2 hours talk with somebody. Looks like my source of inspiration is back! yosh! The first song I finished like 2 months ago? but I didn't publish it.

Overall, they sound crappy, to regain my inspiration is not an easy process. And they are just a draft music, I used like 1 hour the most to compose it. Look at the time I took to write them! don't critise me, just imagine how the music would be. Anyway geocities closed already, that means all my old songs are now unable to be downloaded. I'm lazy to upload all of them too, I will take some time to do it.

The 2009 music are quite few also, I'll have to write a lot of music to fill it up before 2010. I can complete one song in one day (1-2 hours), provided I'm not fatigued.

PS: Somebody has certainly responded. Let it be the end of it.

Ok, back to study.

Friday, October 30, 2009


My sis said this song is from Jay Chou, she asked me to listen yesterday night. At first I thought, is this really from Jay Chou? it sounds a bit like his style, but not really that good. I can tell, I listen to Jay song more than any song in my life. There's lack an element of satisfaction and high, Jay's song would give that. Anyway the opening is pretty much like Jay style, the beat also.

So it isn't from Jay, he is not the composer. 袁咏琳 is the composer, I think she pretty good, but not that good as Jay.

Monday, October 26, 2009


I don't want to say much about my home's maid. She is a good indomaid, hardworking and kind-hearted. That's all. But I want to say a lot about this maid, Minka Lee! I know quite a lot about her, but I don't have time to tell story now, I got exam! Damn, I'm writing this post just to kill or suppress the urge of telling tale about her.

My friend said watching her dance is like a waste of time, but I don't think so, I watch her dance like everyday, I almost watch finsihed all her videos. It's all pretty recent, like just a few months ago.

Watch this one! Got school girl somemore, Faint Lah~~~!!!

I siao maid like so much, first dress I gonna buy for my gf is definitely a maid dress, wahahahaha (but I dont have gf = =). Anyway, this is not a recent picture, it was taken 1-2 month ago. I got shorter hair and look better I guess , lol!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I love it!!

These are certainly a mind controling tool, it looks sily and childish but for some weird reason I watched it and I like it!

Acceptable only.

This is the best one, better than the first one a lot a lot.

This one is different song already, it's quite good.

Shit I'm really becoming a real Otaku already. Wish I got gf like the one in the second video. My friends should know I really like girl in mini skirt, no doubt. Back to study~ exam~~~

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Perfume disco

As a 宅男, I must like perfume, no choice.

Perfume is a raising band from Japan, they sing techno music. Not pure techno, because I know techno ain't cute. This one is cute, it is so mesmerising. Watching 3 girls dancing cutely, is surely my thing. I prefer the dancing like this than erotic dance, It looks innocence and seems to have "good future". I mean, the sense of stability.... hard to explain.

Anyway, my friend sure WTF me if they know that. Ok, here's my point, perfume is the only band that is girly in my iPod. They don't make them dance cutely just for girl, guy would be attracted as well. Cute girl attracts guy, and guy likes cute girl,but guy would never practice cuteness, it's totally shit, and I hate that shit.

Here's the theory, Girl create cuteness, Guy would want to destory and own cuteness. You get what I mean? like I always have the urge to rip off somebody sock, 蕾丝 one, I always do. A lot of girl wear like that here.

Here's their MV, watch this first. Later is the imitations of this dance!

I don't know why they cover their face with mask, weird.

These otaku are pretty good, worth a watch. Looks dumb but it's good.

You have to admit, perfume dance is very popular at Japan. They even dance it in front of Mac Donald

They are more guys imitating perfume, seriously. This one is really funny, they farking cincai do only, got hip hop at the middle.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The News

Read this shit, to gain a better insight.

There are differences in news agencies reporting news. The first one is rather microscopic, the second one is the whole story. Truly, severing the dull and tedious part of the story while keeping the interesting part is good to read. These are entertainmentwise. But fuk ya, I read that shit and I felt enjoyed, but it was not intellectual. You don't know in what context M was saying about that.

There's one thing I would like to contradict about M's perspective, he said “We have to admit the Malays in Malaysia are quite weak. Because of that, it is important to have a government that can protect the Malays”. I wonder whether he is a dumbass or something, he wants a country that babysits his own race, rather than fosters his race or give them a punch on the face so they can stand up like a man with balls. That's what he wants, and so be it. The Malay will only get weaker or stay weak with such thinking, there's no chance for improvement if they keep on stretching their hand for something, depending on government's policies to wipe and cover their asses, rather than work for it. Yea change their diapers.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

The old light

It was 4 years ago, that time I was form 5.

The days were glory, I had a status that allowed me to go anywhere at my school. I exploited that privilege, with good reason. I often skipped class or disappeared during recess, there was only one place that I would go, it was the hall.

The hall was boring, huge, and empty. Warm lights shone in that hall through the high window, the doors were locked, shades at the floor, and it was dim actually, but rather bright at the top. I stepped in that hall, I switched on that switch, plugged in that cord. And I played.

It all suits well, I was thinking. I was playing chopin, and the warmth of light enlivened me, and the piano. It was all that I needed.

I often sneaked in part of building with my friend, playing piano. I even taught him how to play, and he played before the girl of whom he liked. I wondered why, it was I who possessed the skills and privilege, but I never did what he do, instead I had given him the opportunity to confess to girl, while I was still playing in the dark and dim places alone mostly.

Same thing happened at Taylor College, I sneaked in that empty hall, it was more grand than my high school one, but it had no sunlight.

I have lost my source of inspiration, I didn't talk to a girl for so long already. I have to confess my source of inspiration is the relationship I have with someone. Once I have that relationship, that inspiration is endless. I cant write any song now. Seriously, I cant. There's just nothing for me to write already.

I have stopped talking to someone I always talked to, and as a result, lost my inspiration. I just wish I could go back to my old school, at that old piano and light, and play this piece of chopin, I might gain another perspective of music, and myself. That old light that shone at that hall, I miss that moment.

Friday, October 16, 2009


Thanks Miss Marple~ ˋ( ° ▽、° ) !

The cakes taste very good! It's been long time since I have cake on my birthday, so I finished them all quickly. I was about to shower after gym just now, luckily I rested a while and you called.

I was cooling down in front of my laptop half-naked, never expected to get a cake at all. Thanks again!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

B day~

Today, is my birthday.

It's not important, I dont remember when is the last time I celebrated my birthday, really. I have to mention about my birthday because it's funny, not because someone has celebrated birthday with me, but because I got a lot of people chatting with me at msn, only two of them know it's my birthday. That not including my best friend and my own sister. That's disapointing a bit.

It's maybe because I never care about birthday, I don't even remember anyone's birthday at all. I'll only know it's someone's birthday through facebook. And I'll only know my sisters and parents' birthday when my sis tell me or when they plan to celebrate.

I'm 21 already today, the times that I celebrated my birthday, I think, doesn't even over 4 times. Might be less. I have not much memory of celebrating my own birthday, but got hell lot of memories celebrating my parents, my sisters' birthday.

It's because, I never want a birthday celebration, I dont know why. However, I do wish my gf will celebrate it with me, to experience it in a different way.

The funny thing is my sister, she always knows my birthday every year, and she would say happy birthday to me. But this time, it just happened that, she talked to me for so long and we had a long conversation, she didn't say it to me. First time it happens, because there were many times that I forgot my own birthday, and it was she who said happy birthday and reminded me every year.

However, it doesn't matter, it's just funny when we can talk for so long and she knows nothing.

I have been busy studying this lately, I don't have time to update my blog. Exam is just around the corner, I have no time to slack anymore. If you seeing that picture, I'm doing a Kuso effect, like this music.

I start to wonder, whether it's me who is cutting the connection with everyone around me? I don't have the initiative to find people and talk to them, unless they are girl who I'm interested and wanted to chase. Even my best friend, I seldomly talk to him like chit-chat for fun, unless I got something important to tell him or something to show him or ask him. I'm always reading article and watching video, should pay more attention to friend, more. I bold it because I just didn't do that often, doesn't mean I didn't do at all.

It's important to establish a large friend network for you to get more opportunities and chances when you start entering the society and work. I know that. But this is not necessary true, a lot of great people didn't have a lot of friend when they were young, they were not socially active but they are very capable and competent, they are smart and know how to plan. And they are the one who people want to rely to. I guess they made a few valuable friends, and that is enough already.

Those kinda large network of friend is only necessary for those who cant do the work themselves, and have to rely on people, because they are not competent. However, don't ever preclude the benefits from it, you can still establish a large network of friend, even you are capable of doing things yourself. For me, I think we need a true and faithful friend, that will help each other during hardship or when you are in a predicament. You must know as much people as you can, but you don't have to waste time socialise with every single one of them, and not focus on any. Focus on a few capable and faithful friend, offer true friendship and good personality to them. That is the proper way.

I know a lot of people, I can go out and hang out with anyone, can call out a lot of friend who I'm not familar with and hang out with them, but I dont have to do it deliberately for the purpose of getting more friend for my future chance and opportunity, that just hypocrisy. If you bear that intention in mind when you making friends, you are not being genuine, you are just waiting to derive benefits from them. So I only call them out for enjoyment and pure socialisation. A help from friend is important, but it's earned by real friendship or sincerity.

Constantly make friends, the more the better. Do it without any vested interest, be flexible, and be compatible. Still, hold on your own value, judge friend occasionally to see whether they are worth to be your friend or not, Because if you made a wrong friend it will prevent you from moving forward and achieving success, if you made a right friend, they will wont prevent or hinder you from success, sometimes they will help you too. You can be friend with any person in the society no matter what job he does, as long he is faithful, truthful, no malice intention, and has a pure heart.

So I proposed here, establish a network of friends, It doesn't have to be very large, but it needs to have quality. You think yourself, if you have been making friend who only laugh when you are good, run away when you are in predicament, then you are just establishing a large network of friends, with no quality in it.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Damn funny

Ok seriously, I want a bear as my pet after watching this video. I know I'm being unrealistic, but I really want a 熊 ok? his reaction is damn funny! I got a dog looks like bear, but it's not that funny also, it just looks dumb... like 苯苯 = =

The theory of relativity

I am fascinated with Einstein's theory, really, even though my discipline is not about science.

I excel at all science subjects before and during my pre-u, until now my memory of the science facts and theories are still vivid, I can even discuss with my friend about them. I have been really busy lately, I don't have time to update my blog. But this freaking thoery has been loitering in my mind for 1 week ever since I watched the E=mc2 movie, that movie explains everything about the theory that Einstein proposed, also it's about a documentary about his life and the history of the development of science theories.

The theory of relativity:
It goes roughly like this, I'm not pro, don't expect me to be completely accurated. I make it simple for you to understand. It's said that when two objects travel at a certain same speed, they will see each other generally static and not moving away. But the third party in this case would see differently. A third object would see that two objects are moving away from him. The first object are relatively at the same speed as the second object, but not the third object.

It was proposed by Maxwell, the speed of light will always be constant, even when you are traveling at a speed of light you will still see the light are moving away from you with the speed of light itself. So if you are traveling at a speed of light, you are not aligned with the light and therefore everything turns dark or invisible because the light cant reach your eyes when you are traveling at its speed.

Is that so? I don't really know that point, Maxwell could be right. But Einstein proposed that time will slow down when you are traveling at a very high speed. That's a the crux of the theory of relativity. The time that we are enjoying now is actuall the pace of the light itself, 1 second is actually the time for the photon of light to complete one wave length, or 2 displacements. If we are traveling at the speed of light, the road for the photo will increased or elongated, therefore longer wave length, and therefore 1 second is longer, hence time will slow down. ( I learned this from another science documentary) The Einstein suggested that we are relatively moving by reference to the pace of a light. This theory is absolutely true.

It's more than what I said ok, it's a big theory, I tried my best to grasp the whole thing, but so far I came out with this simple explaination.

What I'm thinking is the photo of light is traveling at one direction, that is forward. We can slow time in the sense that we are jumping over it, instead of living it. But how can we travel back to time? It seems that it's impossible for us to travel back to time, quite impossible. It's like a pizza, you can take out 2 slices, and join the rest to form a circle, but not adding 2 slices and form a circle because where you gonna get that extra 2 slices?

The fact that we are living at a pace which referencing the pace of light, fascinates me a lot. I mean who set all the rules? Why we must follow that pace? I can only awe and expect something great about these laws of nature will bring us. All these knowledges are used to feed my imagination, that's why I like to watch science or history documentary, like astro I sure watch 551-555 channels, got discovery channel, history channel, national geographic, Science channel, just I dont watch TVIQ, because it sucks!

And I assumed that nobody will read this article, because it's boring. It's just that I like to imagine and I imagine things a lot, that's why I write this post. Exam is nearing, I don't really have time to bother things which is not my interest, so I'm sorry that I refused to help my friend, it's just that I will feel damn stress if I help them, I rather write blog which is my interest and not stressful.

My friend, please bare with me for 1 months until my exam is over, then I will make over my blog and make it interesting. I know it's been quite down this lately. I have whole bunch of thing running in my head right now that I wish to write about, but all have to wait until the exam is finished.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Does god exist?


The dream

Friend, I saw you are happy, I'm glad.

I heard that you cant pursuit your own dream, but I see you are trying to live the best out of you, you are always smiling. I know that your ambition is to become a doctor, but you can only be something that fall short of it. I know how it's like for you, because I know you since we were at high school.

Sometimes in life we cant get everything we want, sometimes we do but we let go of it, unappreciated.

Dont worry my friend, I'll complete my dream for you, at least you would know your friend does complete his dream.

I will be a great individual, I know, because I shed tears for your ambition. Your dream, it's like a child wanting for a mother's warmth, and that desire is greater than any desire...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Avoiding fate

The weirdness continues, I starting to wonder what's going on.

I bumped into 4 girls today, and two of them twice. It's day 4 already and it hasn't stop yet. I just want to talk about 1 girl particularly, she stood there and waited for me, and she looked at me and smile. I didn't know what to do and how to react, I just walked away without saying anything.

It's been so as I'm meeting girls that I know and have connection with, one by one all. Why is this happening? Can someone explain this to me? My uni is the largest of all Australia uni, and for almost 2 years I'm here I hardly bumped into anybody that I know by accident, but since 3 days ago, I bumped into around 12 girls and I know all of them.

There's just one person that I haven't bump into.

I'm avoiding fate, I supposed to meet her today. But I knew what fate was going to do, I asked my friend who else is going to follow her to library, and she said Catherine. The chances of that happening is rare, so it's fate that I be eventually meeting her. But I rejected that fate, I declined that engagement, and said I'm going home for study.

Fate hasn't stop it's effort of getting us together, I went home and found that I lost my thing at the lecture hall, it forced me to get back and find it. I did so, I just came back from the uni, I ran back and forth to retrieve my item before Catherine class is over. Her class will end in 20 minutes time, if I walk slowly I might bumped into her today. But I was avoiding fate...

This is extremely weird, will I meet more girls accidently again by tomorrow? I really need somebody to tell me what's going on. This is serious, it's been so weird already, like I can meet one person two or three times per day.


It was weird, everything was.

It all started two days ago. There are two cute Aussie living at my floor, I see them like quite often, but I never see them walk out of the bathroom wrapped in towel, as seen on the movie, because we share the same toilet. We have different bathing time, and their room is quite near to the toilet, only takes like 2-3 seconds walk, so the chance of seeing them walk out of bathroom with towel wrapped is rare.

Two days ago, at night, I bumped into one of the aussie girl at the toilet door, I was half-naked, she was wrapped in towel. We made way for ourselves, she said sorry for blocking me, but I was blushing and couldn't say anything because she was too near to me. I thought I was lucky, because for 9 months I have been living here, the occasion of seeing her walk out of room is like less than 15 times, not to mention seeing her wrapped in towel from bathroom. At that same night, I was out again for toilet, I saw her brushing teeth at the toilet, staring at me with that unsatisfying look, like I owe her money or something. I was a bit blurred on that time, I stared back at her but wouldn't dare to stay long, I didn't understand what was going on there. I washed my face and headed back to my room.

Another occassion happened on yesterday, I bumped into a girl who I first met during my first year. She is the most beautiful asian girl in my course, I know her, we once sat together on a bus to city. she is elegance, the most superior and high quality form of beauty. Since first year, we have stopped talking to each other, there is hardly a chance for us to talk back now. At first I didn't notice her walking towards my direction, but because she was staring at me that it quickly drew my attention. She got a nice eyes, but I didn't understand why she was staring at me for so long as she was demanding me to look back.

Back to the hall, I saw my classmate, she is from Hong Kong. It happened when I went out for toilet I saw her passing through my floor, going to Uni to attend our class. I told her I was skipping class because I was too tired, she smiled at me and went off.

Today, at this morning, I bumped into another aussie girl which I haven't, she was wrapped in towel, and I was half-naked. I came out of toilet and she was just going in. At that moment, I was thinking, "why am I seeing everyone these days? Are my luck is going to end or continue?" I thought 4 cases in two days should be the end of it, but it isn't. I saw her again the same aussie girl when I came out from my room for the second time. So I saw two of the aussie girl, each in two times and each on one day.

That's weird, I said to myself.

But the weirdness hasn't end yet. I ran into another girl again, who I had played basketball with, I know her name but we never actually talk, because I never contact her after that. She is very pretty, I would chase her if I got her number. Shortly after a few second, I bumped into another girl who had interrupted me for many times when I was playing piano at the music room, she always knocked the door, I went out only seeing her smiling at me, but that ended when I SLAMMED the door because I got pissed by interruption. She is the one who stares at me the most, and that creeps me a little bit. Again shortly after a few second when I was walking, I bumped into another girl who I always go to the library with, she was eating while walking. I always think she is very cute like mashimaro, but not really my type because she is too weak, I don't like girl who is too weak.

After all the encountering, I thought it should ends already, but it hasn't.

Later evening, I was at the Dinning Hall getting my dinner, then came a girl who was trying to know me but I didn't show any interest. She jumped in front of my line staring at me, then looking at the food. I said "hi" to her but nothing more.

That's what happened today. When I think of it it starts to freak me out, why am I meeting all girls who have a connection with me in just three days continuously? Is this fate calling me to reflect on all the girl that I have known? What will this reflection brings me? What meaning it conveys? If so there is one girl who I have a connection with but I still haven't meet yet, will it happens tomorrow or what? or it already ends?

If fate is leading me, I wish I would be led to meeting her. If we are supposed to end, then I do wish to know.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

switch off your hp!

haha, damn funny this clips, I watched it like 8 times already.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Densha otoku

I have watched Densha Otoku, it is nice!

It's a 4 years old movie, but I had no chance to watch it. Today I finally got it and watched it, it's a great movie!!!

I think a lot of people know the story, I don't want to tell it here, you can watch it yourself. I can send you guys a CD soft copy of it if you want, only for my close friends, because I think it's hard to find that movie already, I mean pirated one.

In short, it's a movie with a lot of excitements and surprising elements, and it's very touching, with a lot of emotion going through and you might cry (seriously). It will be very satisfying to watch it, I'm sure of that. Maybe because I'm otaku or what, for normal people they might just say there's nothing exciting about it.

This was taken days ago. I'm now starting to wear headband already.

Out of topic.

I find it hard to talk freely to someone who has a big ego, and not willing to concede. As for now, I afraid I might be offending her for writing it down here, she might disagree with what I'm saying, I can almost foresee that. But seriously my intention is good, I remember she claimed that her english is good, so I thought I might be able to learn something from her. I have been watching American Tv Series this lately, and I was confused by their english, their english is a bit different than ours definitely, and I had a doubt about a small thing.
I thought I asked her about is or was, in the context of just completing an action for today, and that was it. She contested about the other things like have and at instead of giving me the answer to my question. So I took my time to understand her grammar, even though it wasn't about my question. She seemed pretty upset when I tried to correct her, I was traumatized again, thought I was helping but in fact making somebody unhappy. She droppped out of the conversation instantly, saying that it wasn't important as long the reader can understand what we were saying, and calling me pro grammar. I sweated, but held on to my emotion.

I learnt a lesson today, I guess we should not pick out somebody's error and try to correct them if possible, it's about somebody's capability and I guess that will import the feeling of being underestimated and they don't like it. But that's entirely wrong, learning is humble, it always has, we all learn from zero. I'm just expressing my true feeling, if she hates me after reading this, I don't think she is the friend that I want to have, because I'm already humbling myself, asking her a grammar problem, and she expressed view that my sentence is wrong but in fact it's right. Those sentences were not written by me, I copied it from an article.

I have to talk about this not because it's a big matter, nor because it's trivial then I should not talk about it. That kind of saying is not honourable, because I treat her as a friend not stranger that I wouldn't care. But sometimes we should let them be, instead of correcting them that may often them. And therefore, I was wrong, and sorry.

I have a friend who is lousy on english, I always correct him with fun, but this was no fun, and I was traumatized and scared. I'm truly sorry if offended her but I will not change my principle about learning and attitude, that's I have no problem to be stupid and wrong rather than being smart all the time, and it's fun and you learn something while being taught by people. I can ask a dumber grammar question if I really need to, because I'm perfecting my grammar and it's an important part of learning. I just wonder why we cant realise to our own error, rectifies it, without being upset and have fun in that process.

In fact, her response was not really what I expected, I was shocked, afraid of offending her further, why would I have this feeling?! If for me, I would ask further questions if I really don't know or not sure. Ok then, I have said what I want to say.


I wish I can meet somebody like densha otoku did, actually he was quite lucky for a start. Otaku have no market today, not in Malaysia, that's why I'm developing another character, that is 型男, by going gym every week and jogging at night. Gym is to increase the muscle size, jogging is to trim up the muscle for cutting. That character is still on building, but I will not forsake my Otaku identity! 宅男万岁!!! 民,支持一下 T.T~~~

Saturday, October 3, 2009


CB, I didn't eat mooncake for 2 years already. Tomorrow I'm going to buy it. It cost like $25 bucks for 4 mooncake here, that means RM75 for 4 mooncake, how expensive!

I just saw my ex-gf picture, she looked horrible, just like a 20 years old girl wearing a 30 years old cloth and make up. WTF is this? I'm not saying my ex bad thing because we broke up like 3 years ago, there's no significance of saying that. But I'm asking why girls always depart from their own age fashion, and adopt the 30 years old girl fashion? for example they like to wear attire with a lot of cloths, a little bit like the western fashion, which looks mature and class but not exactly right for their age.

I know it looks nice, but if you wear it now at age 20, what you gonna wear at age 30? still the same? that means you wont have any change at all.

Anyway, I was shocked by my ex-gf, I almost jump up my chair. But there was one thing which is even worst and made me fell down from my chair. A lady... no ... a female came out from no where have made a comment about my facebook status. (I wrote I was shocked by my ex-gf changes) She said my ex must be very UGLY because SHE NEVER NOURISHES HER SKIN. I was like WTF?? I saw her picture she probably weighs like 200 kg.

I replied "maybe maybe... she was very pretty one." And then it came something which is even more terror than terrorist itself, it's like communist and civil right combined, she PM me at facebook. I replied in a very normal way like saying "hi", "ya, im good", I was being nice to her, in that process, I was getting the chill through out my body when she was asking me more questions.

She repeated to me that my ex is ugly, and she said one more thing, which I laughed until I would go crazy... "I'm more pretty leh". OMG... I was silent for 3 seconds, tickled. And then I laughed again hysterically! oh man this is funny, I wonder where she get her confidence from. I could turn crazy if I get another one of this. First she said my ex ugly, then said she is pretty. Anyway, thanks to her I could really have a big laugh yesterday.

Daylight saving has already commenced, robbed 1 hour again. Now the time difference between Malaysia and Australia is 3 hours, if I sleep at 2 a.m, that means at Malaysia only 11 p.m. The 2 hours difference would be better, because I can stay up until not so late and still able to chat with the night owls from Malaysia.

Friday, October 2, 2009



It does convey a very good meaning.

The bus

I took this 2 days ago, dragged between posts and now I finally decide to publish it here. It doesnt look that good.

I went for a bus ride with my friend, we were going for night movie, unfortunately the movie ticket had been sold out, so we went back again with bus. I turned out to be very dizzy after that bus ride, I almost puke when I reached the bus loop, I told my friend I was just hanging on because I don't wanna puke in front of her.

I always feel dizzy in bus, I not sure why but I think it got something to do with the driver, they hit the brake so often, I don't think I'm used to their driving.

When I drive, I don't use a lot of brake so that it's smooth and comfortable. I adjust the speed and maintain the distance correctly so I don't have to hit the brake so much. I hate people drive by hitting the brake hard, you would thrust yourself up when they do so.

I would drive smoothly when I want to. Ironicly, sometimes when I drive fast, people would feel dizzy and wanna puke. It's not because I hit the brake too hard, but it's because I always make a turn at 50-80 kmph speed. I recieved complaint that they felt like the car was floating when they rode on my car.

Seriously, I always got nausea after a bus ride. I might puke straight away if nobody was there.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I watched this for 5 times when the first time I watched it. The title of this clip is imagine, yes I did imagine, but not my wedding. I just imagined how fun is to have a gf.

This is a true wedding anyway, you can create your own cinematic wedding film at here too This price is reasonable, if they can produce this kinda quality film. I'm still young, no need to bother it now. But for those who is getting marry can consider their service, you have to be at Australia I think.

Out of topic*

I have updated my blogroll, I only keep those blogs I actually visit, I know everyone of them of course. I noticed that Ms marple has started to blog already, she already got two posts on her new blog, Welcome! hahaha. (Mistake, I just know that Ms marple had already stop blogging, that post dated 1 year ago @@) And Himeko too, it's so nice to have your blog, wahahaha~

Damn...... sometimes I really hate to hang out with someone I don't feel fun or don't feel right, but I pity them so I always sacrifice myself. Like just now, I don't really like to talk to her, but she keeps want to hang out with me, so torturing... ARRRH...I hate that shit...

Wow, my mood change so quickly from hyped up to pissed.

The ultimate theory is coming, I will write it soon. Be ready, cause I'm gonna smack all ya pretty ass hard.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


I have been traumatized this lately, dislike the feeling of losing.

But no choice, I guess I screwed up, because I asked her to move out with me. I didn't know that it's so matter to a girl to stay with a guy, I had stayed with a girls before at KL, it didn't seem to have any problem. Everybody is just doing their own thing, why it is so matter to a girl to stay with guy?

I asked her because she kept complaining about her current house, she said she wanted to move out to an apartment, coincidentally, I'm moving out too. I was stupid because I didn't see how it would be matter, I tried to convince her but overly did it. That's why I screwed, after this incident, I will never ask a girl to move out already.

She vaguely explained to me why a girl cannot stay with a guy, because they care how people would think of her, unless they are couple, if not, no discussion. So my understanding from her explaination is, they are concerned with their reputation, but how is that reputation matters at this age? (I mean this century, or this generation) I wouldn't think low of a person if she staying with a guy, if just two of them. As long they remain a clean and clear distance, there shouldn't be a problem. I assume she is right regardless of what I think, because I might not be completely understood yet, and I don't want to make another mistake.

I'm the only son in my family, I got 3 sisters. I'm used to tidiness and cleanliness. I remember when I was at kl, I once entered a guy only house, it was so damn messy, there were rubbish and dusty everywhere, the frigde got mould, the furniture I couldn't even dare to touch it. My friend proposed me to move in with them, I rejected. I knew it would be fun to live with guys because I occasionally went to their place to play game, but I didn't want to stay there.

After that, I found a good place to stay, but with girls. I never socialised with them, but I enjoy the clean and quiet environment.

You wouldn't know what kinda home I have, My own house's floor is mopped and wiped everyday, Not even a single day my house is never mopped and wiped. The floor is clean until when I walk I can make friction sound with my feet, it's like u touch a clean plate with your finger, I can even use the floor as my mirror. Not exaggerated. My toilets are cleaned everyday too, my bed sheet is changed every month or weeks, everything in my house is cleaned. So what kinda environment I'm living in makes what kinda person I'm.

This was me 1 year ago, shit picture I know, I look like girl I know, but I just want to show you my Actual Room. You can see everything is clean, even the wall also, must wipe. I saw the horror of guy's environment, I couldn't withstand a bit at all. They never clean anything, their bed, their table... It's like shit, I don't like it at all.

This one better. Also 1 year ago, nice morning I recall. I was skinny, but not now. =)

SO, I would prefer to stay with girl, BUT, if that girl also that dirty I would refuse without hesitation. Farking shit I would live in a dirty environment.

I wish she would know the reason why I asked her to move out and stay with me, I think she thinks I'm a pervert or something. Nah, the last thing I want is to have any indecency with her, somemore, it's 100% that I will not talk so much with her if we live together, because I'm always busy with something, I don't like to talk so much at home unless she is my family and BECAUSE to live with people who is not your family, it's good to ignore each other sometimes and talk lesser, don't like everytime also must talk. Talk only when we come out for drink or dinner, where the mood permits.

Her response is really nice, she would send me a cute smile but today, she didn't talk to me, I'm afraid that I might be losing, to someone I don't know. Hope she reads my blog, but how? I don't give her my link also. But still, AS USUAL, I would put an insurance on me, I'm not so crazy or on to her yet, it's ok to lose her although it sucks big time in my view, the insurance will cover when I lose her, I will feel there's nothing important also. The insurance is another theory itself, I will find an opportunity to discuss it next time if can.

One last thing, I don't care how my picture is, it's better you see me in person than looking at my picture. Mickey, I have been formulating the Ultimate Theory in my head, still trying to perfect it, because the next Theory I going to defeat, is the hardest of all! Will be posted here when I'm ready.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Commerce graduation

This is me 3 weeks ago, getting more and more recent liao my picture.

Today is the graduation day of Commerce student, I was again, hanging around at uni for study. Despite the fact that my campus is the largest in Australia, it was over crowded, cramped, hard to walk freely and get to a place.

Commerce student's graduation... it was the best!
Why? because it always has been, the most sight-worthy graduation of all faculties or disciplines. A lot a lot of leng lui dressed up nicely walking around everywhere, there were big eyes leng lui, cute leng lui, mature leng lui, any you can think of. They are either family or friends of the graduating student, who came from overseas to attend the graduation, if you saw Asian there are 92% probability she is an international student. The feeling was like Better than entering a beauty pageant contest as a guest, how to say... it was like each time you saw a beautiful girl, you get excited a bit, and before you actually calmed down or dissipated that feeling, you saw another beautiful girl again, it was like I kept being electrifed and really hyped up at that moment.

Hah, imagine how my graduation would be, sure very crappy, all westerners only! Sien... my course don't have many asian, mostly are locals. And I honestly think Chinese, Korean, or Japanese look better than westerner. So I'm not interest at them at all, I will lose appetite when think about their body, gosh they been eating Pizza, Mc Donald, Hamburger for life, what do you except? they are not like what you saw in TV. Only the guy look better, guy are handsome, but still if compares with us, I still prefer us! we got straight hair and balanced body, should be proud of it. And I think our look is more "tahan look" more than theirs.

The graduation day is again really an eyes opening experience, definitely Malaysia got a very limited choice. But I don't preclude the possibility that my country still got hidden gem somewhere. Now I think Hong Kong really got a lot of leng lui beside Taiwan, and of course china because it's vast. If you got watch 美女厨房 you sure know already.

Good night... I dont want to blog so late already next time.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

losing confident

Yea that's me, I was like WTF again. It was taken somewhere around 7 months ago. Again, I don't like the picture, just publish it for fun. I realised there are lots of picture of me haven't been published yet. Too lazy to bother.

Hope tomorrow I can see her again, she is like so high fashion sometimes I doubt I can keep up with her. Now I'm starting to care of what I should wear to go out because of her, if it wasn't her, I would wear very casual only.

Still think it's better not to think too much, just be myself.
Going to bed already, good night.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

It's me

That's me one year ago. Look so geli I just know. I was like WTF, this is me ar?

I know I'm contradicting myself sometimes, I said I don't need girl, but I'm doing the contrary right now.

Don't need girl doesn't mean I have to let my opportunity slip away, she has been giving me a lot of chances, and I do appreciate it. I genuinely meant it when I said I don't want to think about having a relationship right now, it took me about 3 weeks for me to get her number because I wasn't intended to do so. I only need to ask and I know she would give me. She just keeps on appearing in front of me, what can I do? It would be awkward if we continue to meet but never have the number of each other, it's like we are still not a formal friend yet. So I asked yesterday, after I asked, she took my phone and typed in her number and miscalled her phone instantly, how you interpret that? eagerness? or nervousness? I don't know exactly.

Sometimes it's vague and it's good in one perspective, because dream is always that vague before it came true.

I continue to meet her almost everyday, she talks with me a lot, we can talk about anything, and she always has the smile on her face. I do not hope much, I just hope we can continue like this everyday, talking and just talking happily.

At the moment, as long we maintain this kinda relationship, I'm content. Sometimes I just lose the ability to talk properly when I was with her, but she just didn't mind. She is just a simple girl, she is hardworking and have a great culinary skills, nah shouldn't say that, should say she cooks very well.

I lack one thing in my entire life, the stability of my mind. That is when you got a lot of ideas and thoughts and you cant seem to let it out or carry it out, it's torturing. Somebody like her would balance me out, I can put my ideas and thoughts on her, and she will be as simple as 1+1 =2, that is all I want.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Energy drinks

There's an energry drink which always freighten me, behold The Mother.

It's so scary even the font used for mother is so emo. It says twice the energy hit, I wonder if you drink it how would you be? no need to sleep for 48 hours. Despite how scary it's, it is sold everywhere in my uni, you can find Mother anywhere literally. I cant imagine anyone would buy Mother and drink it... sure ki siao after a can of mother.

I ran out of the library still hunted by the horror of The Mother, walked for a distance to search for the friendly neighbour drinks: redbull.

Doesn't look that scary as mother, the caffeine level is acceptable. But you wont find Redbull at anywhere as Mother, I wonder why. Redbull definitely my choice, but I don't drink energy drink that frequent, I had to have it because I couldn't focus on reading because of mild fatigue, and I didn't want to waste my time hanging around there for nothing.

If Mother is so successfully sold in Australia, Next time I will invent a new drink called The Terror, I will use very creppy font and put a picture depicting a student after drinking The Terror, can study whole night without a sleep at all, and got creppy fatigued panda eyes while still able to continue regardlessly.

Out of topic:
I successfuly gotten her number, nice, super leng lui wor, I think I don't need《放心追,宅男也能把到正妹》this book afterall. =)

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Otaku special

My friend have just brought a new book, the book title is《放心追,宅男也能把到正妹》.

That book is just what I need right now, too bad they don't sell it at Aus. Yesterday, I went to sing k with a bunch of friends, we got 正妹 among our group. And things were getting even better when we reach the location, because there were more and many many 正妹 and 辣妹, I just felt like in paradise. Australia sure got a lot of 正妹, I got a sudden impulse to stay at Australia and never go back. Comparing Malaysia and Australia, Malaysia really cant match at all, I guess you need to come here to comprehend what is international standard.

I was "shibai da~" (a failure) I couldn't even make a move to 正妹. There were several elements that were on play, ego, unwillingness to lower myself, and I don't want to turn it into an awkward situation if there's any chance. But we do talked a lot, we sat closely together too, that place was cramped and I could felt her body was lying on me. We maintained a friend relationship, but I want more, I want to talk something intimate with her, something realy makes her think that I'm onto her. Still, I played safe because talking with her like friend I could crack jokes and play game with her.

But still not enough, because I didn't make a single move, that doesn't count as a move, because I would do that to other person which I'm not interested with, It's my thing. Hence unsatisfied, need that book 《放心追,宅男也能把到正妹》.

One more thing, Guys, must be careful, very very careful. There was a girl yesterday, I could see her effort on making me drunk, she asked me to drink like 1000 times already, and she was drinking herself too. What was her intention? she ordered like 24 big bottles of beer at first and she asked me to drink. I'm not thinking too much here, she lives quite near to me, and as dumb as I could be, I can feel that she was having an affection on me.

Guys' rule number one when drinking: "never get drunk in front of the person you are not interested with" That's the rule my friends had been telling me since I first came Australia, Australia is totally different with Malaysia, If u get drunk in front of hungry and thirsty girl, the girl that you cant possibly like, there's no guarantee what can happen to you, it's so true that I had heard warning like this for many times already. Most likely they will grope or touch you one when you drunk, or purposely lie on your lap (I kena before). Because this country is inhabited by so many people from different country, you can meet any kind of people here.

I drank 2 bottles of beer and that was it, I remained sober and went back home safely.

An otaku would like this. *nodded. Meng pls enjoy slowly =) You can thank me later for introducing you this.

Friday, September 18, 2009


Car... I keep thinking of it, because I just recieved a news from my parents. They told me they brought a new car, and IT WAS ONE MONTH AGO. Wow... and they just tell me now, even after that we had video chat for so many times within a month. Plus, I have been re-watching Initial D again, car is really what I'm thinking now.

I know their attitude of buying things, they brought me a brand new car when I was about to go kl for study, I told them I might need a car, then the next day they instantly brought one for me. I drove that car to kl several times, I hit full on the accelerator for 4 hours drive, travelling at 190 km per hour, and finally I damaged that car engine by driving recklessly and my dad sold it after 2-3 months of use. Nice.

And now that new car is for my little sista to commute from home to school. My sista is very lucky, I don't even got a chance to a drive car to school because I didn't have a license that time, no need to say to drive a New Car. Her friends don't even have a new car to drive, why my parent sold our car and brought her a new one, I don't get it. Should let her drive a crappy car instead! not that I don't love her, but that's how we are. I would buy her a nice car later if I can, but not when she still in high school~~!

My mom said she wanna buy New sport car, I said WHY? where got people buy NEW sport car one? all buy second hand or 3rd, 4th, 5th... 10th hand sport car. Because it's enough to give that impression, no need to spend so much, and nobody can tell the difference. I got a neighbour who owns 10-15 sport cars, TRUE, you can come I can show you. But they are all second hand at least, I know because he told us. I got another neighbour who lives within my Taman not far from my house got Red Hot Ferrari, he is a car distributor and seller. But that ferrari also second hand, even though it emits a loud bomb bomb sound when he hits his accelerator, still second hand means less than a million can buy already. We got 4 cars at the moment, all park inside our house, my house still can accomodate at least 5 more cars, the parking lot can put 3 , the garden can put 2 because got too many treesssss there, if remove those trees and landscape, can park 5 cars, hehe... greedy... I imagine only, don't have money to buy so many cars.

No need to buy anything la, wait me back first ok, I still got years at overseas.
Seriously, I'm lazy to take photo already. I finally found my resolution. My resolution is, I don't want to have any feeling and don't want to think about girl. It means I have to temporary put my feeling aside until I have acheived my goal. That also means not composing any song, because if I don't have the feeling of love or like or whatever you call, I can't make any song, it's like my source of inspiration, I don't have that I would only produre crappy song. Might be half a year I wont make any new song.

Initial D funny scene

What would you answer if a girl say to you "I don't want to go home today"? I heard that for at least 5 times already, and each time I answered differently. But, I have never said "let's go to a hotel". That words never came across my mind, but this fella had said it, while his buddies were eavesdropping him, haha so funny.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


hahaha, I just came back from library, I was studying at there.

Guess what happened, I saw a girl watching Kang Xi Lai Le, it's a taiwan's variety show. I couldn't help but distracted, because I'm a person who watches variety shows a lot. I told my friend let's go back already, because my head wanna explode for reading too much. And my friend said we still got 25 mins before the bus came.

I said ok, then I was looking around see what I could do. I looked at that girl again, she was laughing while watching that variety show, so I couldn't help myself again but to bring a chair and sat beside her and watched together. I didn't know her at all, never met her in my entire life. She looked at me thrice, turned her head back and forward, I was thinking that she was curious about what the hell was I doing.

We continued watching the variety show, despite how weird it sounds, as we are completely stranger, it wasn't really that weird at that time. Out of the blue, miraculously, she gave me the other side of her earphone, so I can listen while watch with her together. I accepted it like it was a natural thing to do, I put on the earphone and we watched the variety show and laughed together.

Definitely, I think we got connection, it is like Otaku meets Otaku-chan. haha, quite fun. Before I left, she asked for my facebook and I gave her, I even introduced her to my favourite site: the ultimate source of every Taiwan's variety shows.

It was raining the whole day today, until midnight, the rain had finally stopped. I went for the "midnight jogging" again, it has slowly becoming my routine.

I going to show what I usually bring with me when I'm at outside.

Front view
Side view

As you can see, It's usual. Today was raining, so I got my umbrella (high wind resistance). If for normal day, I would carry with me a bag (I got two, a backpack and a slide bag), a watch (alumnium), a phone (N95 8g nokia), Ipod Touch, wallet, and keys. Inside my bag got Macbook, books, bottle and pen.

That's all I carry to uni everyday. That backpack is special, it's limited edition of its kind, and I saw a lot of fake imitation of it already used by people. I got many shoes to change, got 7 pairs, 4 of them are nike (One Air), 1 sneaker, 1 full leather sandle, and 1 flip-flop.

SO, I'm not the conventional otaku ok? I live like an otaku, but doesn't really look like it. Don't misunderstood that I'm fragile, I always carry umbrella even when it's sunny day, and very obsolete in terms of fashion for at least 10 years.

It's essential to look cool all the time, still cannot be too over in look. Don't underestimate otaku, otaku got many types.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


For the first time I feel I look better with short hair. I look more with killing intent, and for some weird reason, I like it.

I spent my entire day at uni today, after class I went to the library to study. Exam is coming soon, I cant afford to waste my time anymore.

After that call from my dad, I'm quite concern with my past misdeed or misbehaviour would burden my dad. I'm not concern with that car at all, my dad can settle that easily I know. I just want my dad to know, I'm not that kind of person anymore.

I always in control when I am driving, I never lose a bit. But driving like that would intimidate people, even though it's prefectly normal for myself. Hence I wont do that anymore, but it wont stop me from driving fast.

My high viligance ability has its root, I'm about to tell something that only my close friends would know. I had a "thrid eye", I could see things that aren't there. When I was small, I always cry, I was a crybaby. I cried because I saw things that I didn't want, I could sense thing too. In fact if you touch me with one finger when I was asleep, I would wake up instantly knowing that you touched me. Beside that, at first I would wake up with only one alarm beep, and fast enough to stop the alarm before it beeps the second time. Later, I would wake up just before the first alarm beeps. It happened always.

During my primary school, I used to have my eyes glimpsed around over things, it appeared anytime and anywhere. Up until high school, I met some friends who shared the same ability with me, but they weren't that sensitive as me. It was before I graduated, I prayed to God asked him to close that thrid eye of me, and since then I cant see anything already. I'm not a superstitious person, it's your choice to believe it or not. It might sounds eerrie but I think nobody would read it because I have been throwing out a lot of words this lately, nobody would bother to read it all.

As a result, I developed a swift response to anything. I can respond to people mistake in less than 1 second and give a horn to that person. I can avoid collision with just a few cm, I didn't know that but my friend was on the passenger seat told me so.

So I can drive pretty decently, even though I committed those offences, I did it on intentionally. Hope my dad would forgive me.

Price pay

[a story which has been told by someone, it's not a confession of a crime, but rather it's a reflection of conscience of someone's guilt. It's not an evidence of a crime, but rather it's a story of a person who commits a crime, and still not a confession of a crime of anybody.]

3 years ago, I did something really bad. I was raged with hormones, bold in a stupid way, and naive.

I had a car race with police, it happened like this. I was sending my sister to sport day, that time I was eager to drive, I was dying to drive a car already, but I didn't have a license yet. I got a L license which is still not a legitimate car license yet, it's only for learning how to car, not to drive. I drove with my mini cooper that I got for christmas. Without wearing any seat belt, I thought I was competent enough to drive and the ego had made me think that I can do anything that I want.

After sending my sister, I was on my way back. There was a turning point which I couldn't see the other side until I made that turn, and it was right after that turn, a road check by police was held. I didn't have my seat belt on, and I was too late to put it on. I had no license, no money to bribe, no IC, was not wearing seat belt, and finally I added another crime to my already committed crimes - I bolted away from the police. It was a result of tremendous stress and the desire to get that full car license before it was nullified by my actions.

I hit full on the accelerator, and I wasn't looking back. Until a moment, I looked at the rear mirror, I was glad I ditched the cops and slowed down. But not true, it was later they caught up with me, and asked me to stop. They drove a 1000cc motorbike, I should not underestimated them.

I was caught and I had nothing to give them, they were about to drag me to the police station, but I did something that all Malaysian would do, bribe the cop. But I didn't have any money, I told them I would go home and bring some for them, at least 100 hundreds buck. They "snatched" my car key, eventually I managed to persuade them to allow me to go home and bring some real cash for them. The police gave me back my key, without the remote control, but I told them without it I couldn't open my car because it constantly automatic lock itself. And they gave me everything, and I took off.

I went back home, and I was about to gather the money for them. I called my dad, he's my savior, I told him everything that had happened, and asked him what's my liability? he said, that police was dumb to let me go, and I could escaped for nothing because of that. There was no liability on part of me, my dad said. He's a lawyer, and a former chief inspector.

I told this story before, and I'm repeating this so that you would understand the background. Today it maybe is the time that I have to pay the price of my wicked, and morally wrongdoing action. I dad called me and asked me just now, he asked did I was caught by any JPJ before? (Jabatan pengangkutan Jalan raya? the department of transport I guess) I said no, the police were traffic police, they were not JPJ officer. He said the mini cooper had been blacklisted by the JPJ.

I replied my dad was it because I ran off the police and I was blacklisted? he said no, It hasn't got anything to do with JPJ. I replied, Oh.

It wasn't the only time I committed statutory offense of this kind before, I was caught by police when driving the same mini cooper while using a phone, and my dad was at the scene, he came to rescue me with his influence. I was driving recklessly at Penang with mini cooper, I almost hit a person at the traffic light when I suddenly made a turn, the biker almost fell off his bike, luckily he was able to recover. It wasn't because my skill are bad, but that biker was frighten when I did that stunt, I was constantly watching him when I did that. Another one, I drove passing two car between or beside them at two lane course, with high speed, they didn't even notice. I play chase and run at highway with some guy at night I didn't know. 

I did a lot of bad things, and that all combined gives me an experience that I will never forget. It made me the kind of driver that drives the most safely. For the record, I never had any accident before, not even a single one after I did all those stunt, I even drifted too. 

I was able to achieve the kind of relaxation that abled me to drive that seemed recklessly to people, but not for me, I thought that was the way of getting home quick. 

Everything has a price to pay, you wont get it not, but you will get it later. Everything has its consequences, do never think that you can escape without any liability. I will one day become the enforcer of law, like my dad, it doesn't allow me to break the law because I can do it because I'm familiar with it, and because I got influence. Dad knew that I was naive, he tried to give me a chance, or else it could be too traumatized for me if I was caught by police and license revoked, he knew I love driving, he knew it could break my heart if I couldn't drive again. He made me realized one thing that I will remember it forever as to never to commit a crime and think you can escape with it. 

Dad is the man, the man of his institution. And I learned something from him, that everything has it's price. IF you hit a man, one day you might be hit by a truck or step on a shit or something. Or maybe you might need to pay the price at your afterlife. It seems that dad is going to cover my ass again this time, to un-blacklist my car, he didn't blame me or say anything just now. And I guess I know his intention.

PS: I don't have time to proofread this, please excuse me if there's any error on the text.

Monday, September 14, 2009


I'm sorry for someone, I did bad thing because I wasn't genuinely meant everything I said, I was playful, I was craving for something I don't have, and I was obscured by emotion. After I ignored her for 1 week, I got better mind now and know I was stupid. I guess I was just too emotionally attached with her because we talked a lot. When you talk with someone too much and too often, the more you open your heart, the more it will comes a false feeling that you think you like her. I had suspected so, I stopped talking with her, looked back at her pictures and thought for a while, and I got the answer. It was a false feeling because that feeling ended only 2 days after we didn't talk. I realised we shared a lot of things, but it doesn't mean we are to be together, our emotional dependent was too great.

I know the person who destined for me, should be someone I would never need to think about that I need to be her, someone that I would be attracted to her in everyway and everything, and I would make her love me so badly that she will never leave me.

You are my emotional support all the time, and I thank you for everything you shared with me. Now I don't need it anymore, I don't need someone to think of when I'm alone like I told you before. I'm different already.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

A bad dream

This will be the last picture of me I put here, until I found my resolution.

I was running alone at night again just now, before I spoke with Ruby. The ouside was cold and windy, but I ran like nothing was holding me back. I listened to this song, A Bad Dream, over and over again with my Ipod touch, until I finally needed to sit down and rest to catch my breath, and where I sat I was looking at the big lake in front of me, under a lamp post.

I realised no one was in my mind. I have been alone for years, I generally closed my door to anyone even though I did open it once (in a blue moon), but eventually no one came in. It was then, I was thinking am I begin to have no feeling for anyone anymore, because I'm content. I might love only myself but no one, I don't want to have that kinda feeling, guess that explains why I keep taking photo of me, so I wont take photo anymore, until I grown back my hair or found my resolution.

I rejected a lot of people, I was too high demanding, and finally I'm alone. Sometimes I feel like somebody's soul is calling for me, I just don't know who. It screams sometimes, like that person is just like me out there, alone, frustrated. Is that why I was rejecting people all along? because it weren't they who made the call, that I had to answer.

I have to run again, I want to find my answer. It is not important, but it keeps me sane for living a lonely life, because I know there are still years to come. I finished running the largest campus in Australia, how far will I go?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Miss something I lost

I gained a lot of compliments for cutting a short hair, Why I never got people compliment me when I got long hair? My sis said I looked a bit like girl when I got long hair, What the hell? She said luckily I got big body and therefore still ok. What's up with the Japanese hair style?! I'm just following the Japanese, my friend said "yah, that's why japanese hair looks so girly". = = Dude I don't wanna convince anyone already, wonder everyone got see Final Fantasy one or not, the male character always got long hair, and my hair is just about that long only, not like very long and disgusting. At least I must got long side-hair (I'm not sure sideburns is the word for it, because sideburns kinda like beard, not hair), and the fringe must be long enough also.

Got long hair means you can tide up with headband, it always looks nice. I always wear it when I go gym, study, or play basketball. I got 5 headbands, now I have to wait until my hair grow back to wear it already. With long hair I can make a lot of style too, I can use wax to make a messy look or straighten it for a tidy look. Long hair always looks nicer than short hair, the only problem is it's not wind proof.

That picture was taken 2 months ago, I had published others similar one before but not this one. I'll brand my picture if not too much work for me to do so, everyone seems to do it, and I always use photoshop to resize the picture, convenient. If too many pictures to upload, I wont brand it. I'm lazy even to resize my picture, let alone to brand it. Photoshop takes time to load, it will be better if I can resize the picture in other way. A lot of people like to blur their picture with PS, but for me I like it clear, so I only use it to adjust the brightness of the picture. You just need a good lighting condition to snap photo, then it should be fine already, dont rely on PS too much, and I sometimes feel headache to watch blurred or faded picture.

To aiikiko, I'm not Japanese, I'm Malaysian chinese. It's embarrassing to say this, but I donno got how many percent korean, maybe 5%? I got korean ancestry, I have confirmed it from my grandparents and my dad told me Ah zhoh(my grandfather mom) said so, not sure it's true thou, because no evidence so I never tell anyone also except few, because they are not interested. Korean are ugly, I'm not racist, but they are the most plastic surgery done people in this planet, I draw my conclusion based on fact. My Ex is a korean gal, she said she only liked me because I dont look like local chinese boy. I think that's crap, if my friends are reading this they surely laugh.

I think I'll be less updating my blog, exam is coming. Summer is coming too, I can feel the temperature raising quick. The bad news is I wont be going back to malaysia for this coming holiday, the good news is I might get a trip to Taiwan if I score well in this coming exam, I must score well, because I want to know some Taiwanese Mei mei, like this one in this stupid online game ads.

杀很大is now use to describe big boobs anyway, or something extreme. I know yao yao from 黄金计程车, this term was originated from there. 宅男杀手瑤瑤, as a 宅男, ya she kills me, therefore I must go Taiwan.

不错不错, not bad not bad. Save mei mei, kill white face wanker, free to pay. Very persuasive. I just put this just to show how stupid it is, I dont like it at all.