Losing

I have been traumatized this lately, dislike the feeling of losing.

But no choice, I guess I screwed up, because I asked her to move out with me. I didn't know that it's so matter to a girl to stay with a guy, I had stayed with a girls before at KL, it didn't seem to have any problem. Everybody is just doing their own thing, why it is so matter to a girl to stay with guy?

I asked her because she kept complaining about her current house, she said she wanted to move out to an apartment, coincidentally, I'm moving out too. I was stupid because I didn't see how it would be matter, I tried to convince her but overly did it. That's why I screwed, after this incident, I will never ask a girl to move out already.

She vaguely explained to me why a girl cannot stay with a guy, because they care how people would think of her, unless they are couple, if not, no discussion. So my understanding from her explaination is, they are concerned with their reputation, but how is that reputation matters at this age? (I mean this century, or this generation) I wouldn't think low of a person if she staying with a guy, if just two of them. As long they remain a clean and clear distance, there shouldn't be a problem. I assume she is right regardless of what I think, because I might not be completely understood yet, and I don't want to make another mistake.

I'm the only son in my family, I got 3 sisters. I'm used to tidiness and cleanliness. I remember when I was at kl, I once entered a guy only house, it was so damn messy, there were rubbish and dusty everywhere, the frigde got mould, the furniture I couldn't even dare to touch it. My friend proposed me to move in with them, I rejected. I knew it would be fun to live with guys because I occasionally went to their place to play game, but I didn't want to stay there.

After that, I found a good place to stay, but with girls. I never socialised with them, but I enjoy the clean and quiet environment.

You wouldn't know what kinda home I have, My own house's floor is mopped and wiped everyday, Not even a single day my house is never mopped and wiped. The floor is clean until when I walk I can make friction sound with my feet, it's like u touch a clean plate with your finger, I can even use the floor as my mirror. Not exaggerated. My toilets are cleaned everyday too, my bed sheet is changed every month or weeks, everything in my house is cleaned. So what kinda environment I'm living in makes what kinda person I'm.

This was me 1 year ago, shit picture I know, I look like girl I know, but I just want to show you my Actual Room. You can see everything is clean, even the wall also, must wipe. I saw the horror of guy's environment, I couldn't withstand a bit at all. They never clean anything, their bed, their table... It's like shit, I don't like it at all.

This one better. Also 1 year ago, nice morning I recall. I was skinny, but not now. =)

SO, I would prefer to stay with girl, BUT, if that girl also that dirty I would refuse without hesitation. Farking shit I would live in a dirty environment.

I wish she would know the reason why I asked her to move out and stay with me, I think she thinks I'm a pervert or something. Nah, the last thing I want is to have any indecency with her, somemore, it's 100% that I will not talk so much with her if we live together, because I'm always busy with something, I don't like to talk so much at home unless she is my family and BECAUSE to live with people who is not your family, it's good to ignore each other sometimes and talk lesser, don't like everytime also must talk. Talk only when we come out for drink or dinner, where the mood permits.

Her response is really nice, she would send me a cute smile but today, she didn't talk to me, I'm afraid that I might be losing, to someone I don't know. Hope she reads my blog, but how? I don't give her my link also. But still, AS USUAL, I would put an insurance on me, I'm not so crazy or on to her yet, it's ok to lose her although it sucks big time in my view, the insurance will cover when I lose her, I will feel there's nothing important also. The insurance is another theory itself, I will find an opportunity to discuss it next time if can.

One last thing, I don't care how my picture is, it's better you see me in person than looking at my picture. Mickey, I have been formulating the Ultimate Theory in my head, still trying to perfect it, because the next Theory I going to defeat, is the hardest of all! Will be posted here when I'm ready.