Back

I'm back, and it's hot.

Going back

Opps, I'm going back already, that means it's time to change the music in my blog to my theme song. =D

I'll always put this song when I'm going back to Malaysia, back to my own bright room, with a lot of sun light coming in, because of the many windows.

It always has been like this when I'm going back, when I reach Malaysia I'll probably play this song again in piano.

Tomorrow night I'll be sleeping on my sea of bed in Malaysia, maybe I'll grab one of the puppies to sleep with me. ;)

Run

Why do I always run? I not really sure about that exactly.
Sometimes I feel like I was chasing something, sometimes I feel like I was running away from something.

It's sad emotions that I'm running away from, or things that I don't want to think about. There's a lake over the campus center there, when I see the lake reflection of the moon and night, it clears away everything inside my head and heart.

It's dream and ambition that I'm chasing, or something that I desire but I just couldn't get. The lake is like a mirror, it tells me whether I'm still there yet or not. Even I'm not there yet, it will show the thing that I want or desire to me.

I'm not sure when I'll stop running, probably never.
What am I designed for? Sometimes I feel I'm designed to change, I'm not sure how.

I realised that running has been my habits since I was in Malaysia, I have this habit of speeding with my car, I even speed until my new car broken, which is very rare. I hit the accelerator to full from KL to Alor Star.

I exhausted, I wish I can stop already, but too bad I cant. There's still something I need to achieve.

Inspiration

My inspiration meter is very full now, I almost can make a song at any moment, I even dreamed of me composing a song.

But I have to wait, it's not time yet.

The past

Hah... Thanks for everything... I'm glad to know that it happens to be like what I said... perhaps one day I'll be fading in your memory when you grown up... at least I left something to you, you picked up violin, chinese instruments and piano... Sorry for the pains I caused... I know one day you will be like what I said to you many years ago... =)

Reality

It doesn't matter how you look, it only matters if you can afford this.

It's the thing I'm born to do, I don't need to consider it.
But thanks to this person in the video, he is just a living proof for everyone.

It's not the look that gets you a hot and perfect wife.

Assignment finished

I spent too much time on my assignment, but glad I've finally finished it.

It's still not the end of the race yet, I'll have to catch up with my study and revise for the coming exam.
Tough, but I have to pull this out.

I have something to say recently, it's too late right now, maybe I'll do it in few days time.
I'm going to sleep first.

Every night I'm hearing windbell... I kinda like it right now...

Last new song for this year

名：拉风风
曲: R.

As planned, R&B rap songs, I not sure it's still R&B, cause I made it so different. I realised the song I wanted to make is very complex and would take a lot of time for me to complete, so I decided to simply throw in the rough idea I had, and finished it within 2 hours. (this complexity of song would take at least weeks to refine). So sudden ending would be anticipated. And the song is only 2.46 mins, might be the shortest song I've ever made. My advice is listen the whole song, some part is unwanted and is unavoidable because I've no time.

Wont be making song until next year, I finished my this year 2010 "album" I guess.

P.S: not suitable for ppl who cant listen fast song, and music understanding is below maturity

Song

Will start to make song again.

Finally I got my very own internet (I was sharing with downstairs friends before).
I also upgraded my IBM wireless technology to the latest (supporting N, 150mbps).

And so, my ancient IBM laptop is now back to use.
That means I'm back to music making as well, because I only use my IBM laptop for composition.

I remember that I promised to make R&B rap for my next song, so I guess it will be coming soon.

Windbell

At night it is quiet, very quiet.

All I can hear is the sound of calm wind, and windbell.

"Ting, Ting..."

I almost feel like Takumi when he was driving AE86, he had that "Ting" sound in his car.

It's tranquilizing in effect...

Nice song

Damn love the music that is playing right now on my blog,
it's a mixture of 黑人 R&B and nippon kawaii voice, damn awesome!!
I'll be listening it in my Ipod touch non-stop already.
Hope that I can make this kinda song, maybe I can make it already...
If only I know how to make mp3, I'm currently restricted to midi using piano and guitar only. If only I can ultilise more music instruments in my music making...

Memorable

美丽的回忆

曲: R.

According to my plan, I have to come up with a happy song already now.
I recalled some happy memories, and kinda "charged up" for this song, so I did manage to complete the happy song I wanted.

I was kinda dried up, because to create a happy song, I must first have a happy memory in my head. But things weren't went according to my wishes this lately, and nothing really makes me happy.

Thanks to the person in this picture, I used to pick her up with a motorbike when I was at high school, thought I was very cool then, but after I dropped her in front of my school, I drove myself into drain!! Because that time I turned back to look at her. Damn Lost the coolness tat time, hope I got the chance to redo it right.

She rejuvenated my memories of my high school.
It was such a memorable days, sometimes I would smile myself when I remember it.

Ok, next song will be R&B slow rap. I wont be bother making it now.



Long hair..... should I cut?

The life right now

There have been a lot of things happened this lately, my life is slightly convoluted right now. I'll start to write more about my search for the perfect theory for various thing in life, I have learned quite a few things from different people I've met recently.

And about the layout of my blog, I wonder when I'll have the time to change it.
And if I want to change it, I still have no idea what kind of layout that I want atm.

About music, I have no inspiration this lately, lost my source of inspiration again I guess. I wish I could meet someone that can give me endless of inspiration one day, someone has told me, that I'll meet that person. But I told her back, "you could be that person, but atm I do not desire any gf." She said I'll have that feeling back, I'm not sure she is right.

I wish that I will attain my dream one day, that is to stand on the podium of politic, to make substantial and good change to the people.

I'm back from Sydney

My future pet, nobody can stop me from getting it!!

Sydney here I come~

Yes, I'm going Sydney tomorrow =)
I only bring little cloth and stuff, but expect to bring more back!
Starting to get excited right now, I'm gonna have fun over there freely, and it's gonna an awesome trip.

Oh ya, I have decided to re-design my blog. I'll do it soon after I come back from Sydney.

Exam is finished

Actually it was finished days ago, I was playing all the long, so no time to update.
I start to think whether I want to re-design my blog or not, I have another very nicely designed blog at other place myself.

I think with my fairly high IQ, I can do almost anything. I designed a very complicated template for my another blog, it's complicated that it takes time for me to grasp what I have done after I stop looking at the code that I hand-made myself for a while. I laid a paper on that blog and anything I write is on that pieace of paper, which can elongate automatically adjustable accoding to how much I write. The trick is to fit that paper on your entries, and to make it aligned. It's the structure that makes it so complicated, and it's not like blogger, blogger is way easier to design because they fixed the structure for you already. That one is build from scatch, with some little example to help you only.

If compare two blogs, my the other blog looks nicer. But I not sure I got time to re-design again. Will see how~


(Don't worry about my other blog, I update this blog more frequent than that one a lot)

red mandarin grown (new song)

New song:

红色旗袍

曲：R.

As promised, here is my 中国风 song.

Please use window media player only, the music is supposed to be a draft, there's no intention to perfect it, or writing it in a professional way.

Love the scent (new song)

Here's the new song I just wrote:

很爱的味

曲：R.

I intended to make it a sweet songs, but I think it doesn't sound that good, but anyway, too lazy to bother.
Tried to write a sweet songs like I planned. I don't exactly like it, it's not my style, but I try to be variety in music.
The next song I wanna write should be oriental song, 中国风.

Please use window media player only, the music is supposed to be a draft, there's no intention to perfect it, or writing it in a professional way.

Before I cut my hair

Was actually this long, but I cut already. Gonna do another style this time.

The theory

After all what I have encountered, I've finally realised something which is very important.

Two days ago I had a very long conversation with my ex-gf's sister. She is a korean. We talked about a lot of things, and shared a lot of thoughts together. Things like her life and my life and mainly about relationship. I also took the occasion to ask a little about my ex-gf, but there were only little of informations I could pull. I wasn't really interested to know about her, I asked only as a manner of courtesy.

That is not the main thing I wish to share here, the thing that I want to share is what I discerned or discovered from during our lengthy conversation.

I realised that Love doesn't have to start with Like.

Because what I had been telling her was, there are some people who aren't really nice looking, but there are able to find and have their own partner. The thing to justify this is, that girl probably didn't like him at the first place, but the guy probably put a lot of effort in chasing her, eventually he sort of succeeded in making her touched, and the feeling that the girl have is probably love.

I said that in spontaneous when she told me that if she doesn't like a person it means end of the story. But I think the opposite, because I have seen a lot of examples where ugly guy or ugly girl gets a good looking gf or bf. It's not because they are rich or something, that factor should be precluded because I knew they were not rich.

But then, later after that, I discovered another thing again: Hate or dislike can start with Like.

That is also true because I'm one of the victims. That happens when the opposite doesn't get what they want in return. I'm however not that kinda person, unless that girl is just playing with my feeling, then it might be plausible for me to hate her a little bit. In general I wont and never hate a person that I like before. I don't need to explain further, it's enough if you feel this is possible, if you don't then it's ok. Just keep in mind of my point.

So if Love doesn't have to start with Like, and Hate or Dislike can start with Like.

Is that So Important To Like A Person?

To love a person is something that we can't explain completely, there's a possibility to love a person who doesn't really meet your expectations. That possibility exists when that person possesses an overwhelming determination and love towards a person. Therefore, love is sort of infectious, in the sense that it infects the person it wants to, but not necessary successful all the time.

So here I'm denouncing my previous theory that says we should like people based on their look.

I formulated and proposed a lot of theories regarding that topic, I think I have closed that post because right now I'm not entirely agreed with it.

I even went so far to propound that we should choose people based on their look because of their Genes or DNA factor. But it was mainly about the point that we shouldn't lower our expectations, requirements, and standard, in choosing our gf or bf.

But right now I think I was wrong, since I realised love doesn't have to start with like, although it may start with like, from one point of view, my previous theory is crumbled with that possibility. (But I still believe my previous theory is not entirely wrong)

I have known what I have to do in the future. I shall not repeat my past wrongs.

A picture of us

Time will fade the colour of this picture...

I finally realised that even that I like everything about a person, I might not like the person itself.

I feel nothing when everything is clear.

Hope I can meet another person like her, but she will be the one that can make my heart pounds and make me happy when she is around, and sad when she leaves.

New pic

It has been a long time since I upload my picture. Here:







Gotta study already, bye.

Oh, I forgot I got new song: 开始就不是

It supposed to sound happy, but I want it to be sad, so I added a different chorus to portray the meaning of the song.
As usual the second half of the song is very noisy, because I want to add a lot of stuff, but I'm too lazy to bother whether it's noisy.

Please use window media player only, the music is supposed to be a draft, there's no intention to perfect it.

Win

At the verge of losing, U told me not to lose on street basketball, and I recovered, that day we were challenged by everyone until the day turned dark, and we were undefeated. At that moment, I felt like God walking among human.

I was made aggressive, I used to be a person that didn't care about winning or losing.

Now I'm labelled as competitive, is that a good thing or bad thing? I understand how people would feel about a person who is very competitive, they would most probably don't like it. But I hate the feeling of losing as well.

Losing for a silly game is nothing, but if losing for a real game, the feeling is bad.

I remember that day when my friend told me that words, "To play a real game is to win", I replied "But is win or lose really that matters?" He said "there's no meaning of entering a game and then not care about the outcome"

I think he meant at least we should aim for winning, not prepared for losing.

I have been labelled as competitive, I not sure it's a good thing. But I'll still strive for winning, and I will not be too apparent on that too. Regardless of what people think, it's the heart to win that determines the outcome of a game, if you don't have the heart to win, you are just depending on luck, and sheer skills is not enough in a lot of circumstances.

I'll be competitive, regardless of what you think.

But I know the limit, I'm not SO competitive to the stage that I'm loathed by people.

Be the stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:22 AM)

if u continue thinking about the girl

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:27 AM)

why you cant get her love

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:30 AM)

then u will negative

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:43 AM)

why not u dont think many people get pretty gf

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:43:46 AM)

but if i very like her?

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:48 AM)

but they also will break 1 day

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:55 AM)

if you like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:43:59 AM)

she dont like you

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:03 AM)

it is very suffer

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:06 AM)

i face it before

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:13 AM)

but if you really like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:19 AM)

you can continue chase her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:22 AM)

be a stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:25 AM)

and wait for 1 year

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:29 AM)

she get a bf

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:33 AM)

then you find me to cry

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:44:38 AM)

because i already prepare to do that

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:42 AM)

when she gets a bf, i can faint u know

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:52 AM)

ok meng

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:44:56 AM)

I listen to u

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:01 AM)

i be the stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:05 AM)

haha

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:10 AM)

i also be stupid now

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:11 AM)

i will find u and cry can?

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:18 AM)

I love being stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:19 AM)

no problem

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:22 AM)

i love ur plan

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:23 AM)

me too

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:45:25 AM)

i wan to be stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:28 AM)

after 5 years

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:35 AM)

you think about that

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:38 AM)

you tell urself

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:49 AM)

at least i have try my best to chase a girl that i love

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:54 AM)

although fail jor

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:45:59 AM)

but i do what i can do

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:46:18 AM)

is better than be a 逃兵

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:46:58 AM)

ur right

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:46:58 AM)

good

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:47:01 AM)

im too coward

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:11 AM)

because that night i emo for wholde

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:19 AM)

i dono how to face her after i told her i like her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:30 AM)

but i think for wholde day

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:32 AM)

i told myself

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:47:47 AM)

my world without her still will continue to run

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:48:20 AM)

u touch me meng.

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:35 AM)

i appreciate the time i with her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:43 AM)

i be a stupid

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:48:54 AM)

and try my best to give her what i can give her

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:05 AM)

although i know she still wont like me

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:07 AM)

this is me

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:32 AM)

i cant be the perfect one, but i am who i am

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:49:45 AM)

thank u for telling me this

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:49:57 AM)

haha

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:11 AM)

that day i want cry

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:14 AM)

but cant cry out

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:15 AM)

haha

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:50:25 AM)

u good

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:50:29 AM)

but i like her

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:50:34 AM)

ur story touches me

.................

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:34 AM)

and then maybe she didnt accept u

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:42 AM)

u already become a better man that before

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:55:54 AM)

and this is ur resume to chase other girl

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:56:15 AM)

because ronald after 6months is better ronald that currnet ronald

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:56:37 AM)

en

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:56:42 AM)

i will remember ...

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:59:13 AM)

thanks meng..

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:59:19 AM)

sure

(H)H@rryt30(H) says: (12:59:23 AM)

we are brother ma

晴天下の小谷 says: (12:59:34 AM)

En =)

I'll be the stupid.

When I put this song

Usually when I put this song, it means I'm going back to Malaysia soon.

This song, which is currently playing on my blog, is sort of my theme song, and I always play it during my trip back to Malaysia with my Ipod. It feels good to listen to it, while enjoying the paddy field up from airplane. I'll play it on piano too when I back.

But am I going back to Malaysia? Most probably not.

I'm playing this song because I damn miss Malaysia.

My friend asked me to be high class, don't respond to thing that people never intended to invite you. I had been stupid to ask permission to join for that trip for like 2-3 times and got rejected bluntly like shit, because I was kinda irrational that time after hearing who are going, and I lowered my self-esteem to ask her. The usual me wouldn't do that, but doesn't matter already.

After that, my friend invited me to go Sydney with him, and I've said yes.

I'll go Sydney with my friend and his friends who I don't know at all. Yes, that's how a true friend is, he knows I can mingle with anyone I like. There will be 6 of us going to Sydney, and it will be an awesome trip.

There's only one person I cant mingle with, that is the person I like her to be my gf.

Anyway, it will be a nice winter for me in Australia. I hope it will be better than Malaysia. Therefore I have to study hard to get good result, if not I'll feel too guilty to holiday also.

Stupid self-picture

As title.











I know what you are thinking, shuddap please, I'm just trying something new.
And I want to say 사랑해비。

Ok damn sad right now, I called back to my home just to wish my mom Happy Mother's Day,
Guess what!?! They all left to Shanghai for Holiday !!! And I didn't even know about it. My dad, mom, and two sisters they all went together, left my little sis at home and she told me that.

Super awesome, they are now happy at Shanghai, I just chat with my mom 5 days ago, they didn't even tell me. Because they sure know I will ask them not to go, and so they secretly go. Ok, I want go Ski camp already!! I don't care!!

I tried called them in Shanghai but didnt work.

I still wanna say:
Mom, Happy Mother's Day!!! I say this to you every year and never miss, I hope you can hear this in Shanghai. I wish I can kiss you like when I was in Malaysia every year. I love you mom!! Miss you!!

Freedom

I'm free finally.

I confessed to her this morning and at the same time, I expressed my intention to give up on her too.

It wont happened if she never rejected my invitation for a meal, it all started when I was rejected for like 3 times. One thing I don't understand is why I couldn't have a simple meal with her as a normal friend at first, she just kept on rejecting me.

Basically, it shattered my confidence. It rendered me unable to talk to her normally over time.

But I finally freed myself from it, I no need to feel depressed anymore because of the reason that we cant communicate, not just that I'm damn happy and have this sense of big relief, because I feel free to flirt with anyone right now. =)

What am I?

There were times when I question myself, what kinda person am I?

Last January, I was driving in Malaysia for 3 weeks with a 1 year expired driving licence. There were two occasions of police check out, and I wasn't a bit scare at all going through all that. Luckily they didn't ask me to produce my licence, if not I wouldn't be at Melbourne right now.

Because the last day when I was about to leave for Melbourne, I drove to my grandma house, speeding and with an expired licence. I had a hunch that there will be a police check out, and it did happen. There was a second police check out that day, and I drove passed them without any fear, I sorta gambled, and they didn't check my licence. If they did, I wouldn't be able to aboard the air plane to melbourne that afternoon.

That is the most recent one. I did a lot of law-breaking stuff before, right now I do less already when I was in Malaysia.
I drift my car, speed, illegal cutting, break traffic light, not following the road sign or line, basically I have committed a lot of traffic offences. Anything you could and couldn't think of, like I bolted (escape) from the police, at the same time not wearing seat belt, driving without licence, speeding, without IC, and failed bribery. (I escaped that without paying anything at all after got caught)

Just to clarify, that doesn't mean I'm not a competent driver. I have confident on my driving skills.

But I like to do things differently, I like to save time and speed. That is what driven me the most, the second one is I like the feeling of thrill. I like to drive without a licence, breaking traffic offences.

Most of the time, my dad covered up my asses. I'm so irresponsible as a son, but he knows what I'm doing, he doesn't approve of course. He has way to cancel the saman I always got, or stop the traffic police from issuing me a saman on the spot. I certainly don't want him to do that for me every time. It would be cool if one day I can break the traffic law without any liabilities attached to me. It's not that I don't respect the law, but traffic law is differently treated by me.

What makes me so daring? I don't know.
The last time when I was about to leave Malaysia for Melbourne, I still drove with expired licence and gone through police check out.

I just like the thrill from it. That's all I have to say.

New song~

It has been a long time since I post a new song here.
Here's the song I just finished:

紫色麝香

I took the time I have after I finished my assignment to compose it.
It's not the best nor it's good, but at least I came out with something, hoping I can improve.

The song is getting more and more noisy, apparently midi is not enough for me already. I'm hoping I can learn how to make mp3 one day.

I never give up

I'll never give up.

Give it 2 years, 5 years, or 10 years, I'll be back each time with the better me until you finally say yes to have a lunch or dinner with me.

I'm cursed, my world is too grey for you, but I'll paint it with colours, hoping one day you will see it. I'm too afaird of looking at you, but I always like to. And I never learn how to smile, that's how I was brought up to. Sorry I couldn't act naturally in front of you, because I was afraid I might say the wrong thing.

I'm sorry I'm not like the other guy, I hope you will find another guy that suits you, and enjoy being in love. But my question will always remain... please dinner with me.








And it might be a question, that will never get an answer yes.

I'll still live life to the fullest, because I never sad of getting rejected from you. Because I don't know what is love, I just know that I really like you, and that's the only feeling that is true.

Going to camp tomorrow!

I'm going to Malaysian Club camp tomorrow, it's my chance! =)
I cannot expect too much, but still... I have hope.

I have lost interest in joining any camp, because I have had many of that experience already.
If not for that reason... hahahah... you guys would know.

Just shot a picture and uploaded it, that's it, I cant blog too much this lately.

I sucks

I just realised how terrible am I.

It's time that I disconnect, to upgrade myself. Because I'm so fuk up atm.

The difference

The difference between studying in Malaysia and Overseas is extraordinary.

In overseas, I have known friends that when I ask them what their fathers do, they cant really explain it. They can only explain it by typing their fathers' name into google, and showing it to me by using forbes.com.

In Malaysia, I doubt that will ever happen.

Me? I'm not that rich, not even inside top 100# of Malaysia richest, but I have a friend who is top 21# of Malaysia richest. I'm able to live a comfortable life and that's it.

So there's a truth in of what my teacher used to say to us, he said "it's better you go overseas and study if you are capable, don't waste your time in Malaysia, because the level of people you will know is different." He said it in a more realistic way "those people you will know in Malaysia are just beginning to build their empire from nothing, those people you will know in overseas have their big empire already."

I'm certainly not coming from that top 100# richest families, but I shall be in that list one day, no matter what it takes.

So, fuck it with music, fuck it with blogging. That's not my thing anymore, law is my thing, because that is what I'm going to build my empire from. Sorry, I wont be updating my blog that frequent anymore. I have a huge modern bungalow, I can afford a ferrari but I dont have one, but that's not enough because what I saw, is already out of my imagination, it's out of that ferrari and huge bungalow, because my friend can afford 200 ferrari, and I can just afford one.

When I reach the top, it will be a view that I will never forget.

Cant write out a music

I cant write any music at all, when I don't have my source of inspiration.
Supposedly I have to post up a piece right now, but freaking awesome, I cant compose at the moment.

And I just got two pieces for this year, according to my "visualised schedule", I'm a bit late behind of completing 10 songs for this year. Anyway it's not important, just that I feel it's time that I come out with something to impress myself.

I wonder if I really got a gf, my source of inspiration would be endless, what will happen then? I want to find out. =)

Me~

That's me = ="
I just thought I long time didn't take photo, so I just shot one and uploaded it.

I'm back

I'm back to Melbourne.

That's it!

Happy birthday dad

Today is my dad birthday, dad I wish you a happy birthday and be healthy and happy forever. Thanks for being a good dad always, I love you.

I didn't say it to you myself, because I couldn't do it. I was still infuriated by that day when I was forced to use rude word first time in front of you, because of the arguments incited by my sister. I was so emo I just didn't have the right mood to say it.

But I wish I can let you know how much I love you dad. I'll be leaving soon back to melbourne, please take care of yourself.
Please take care of mom, I'm very worry about her, and my sisters.

Mom, I wish I can take back what I had said, sorry for being so unfilial, Mom I love you very much. I'm sorry that I have caused so much disappointment to you and dad, I shouldn't be playing game but spend more time with you. Please don't be worry because I have quit playing game, I just play that game because I was so unhappy about that last arguments, there were so many dissatisfaction that I made me wanted to play game to make you angry, as a means of punishing myself.

I'm sorry, I wont it again...
I love you Dad and Mom, please forgive me your son.


Tonight is my last night sleeping at my own room, I'll be back to Melbourne in two days later, tomorrow I'll go to Penang already. I'll miss my family, house, and my lovely hometown. I wish I don't have to leave..

Where I belong

They said my bedroom is as big as their entire flat, that is because they live in a low cost government subsidized flat, my bedroom is not that extremely big, it will be wasteful if I got an extremely big bedroom to contain just me.

I do live a comfortable life, that's because I got a very capable parents. But I'm poor, in terms of financial, I'm wholly self-reliant.
Because I have relinquished my right to inherit the money from my parents, I wish to make my 3 sisters pleased, as I'm the only son of my family I'm treated better than any of them since I was a child. And in my own thoughts, I wish to reimburse them.

I love my sisters, but the thing that I cant prevent is how my mom treats us, she certainly doesn't treat us equally. I'm the only person who will make her a real grandmother, not grandmother in law, I can certainly understand why. The only thing that I'll likely to inherit is this bungalow, a contemporary bungalow with no roof and a lot of windows, painted with grey and white. The reason is because it's my duty to take care of my parents when they are old, my sisters will be married to other persons, the house is my parents most beloved property, it was my mom dream house and it came true, they wont leave the house to my sister who will not be taking care of them, and it's impossible their husband will stay with my parents, I forbid that to happen because of chinese social norms issue.

My thinking is my house is extremely contemporary, it's likely to be the frontier of any house design for at least another 20 years. But then, I don't plan to live in this house forever, I plan to build another bigger house than the current by my own effort, and of course staying with parents forever they'll have to move with me by that time. My current house is designed or tailored to suit my current family, I don't think it will suit us in the future.

Where I belong is so much comfortable, So I don't enjoy departure at all. I don't enjoy living at overseas, unless I recreate and design a house like this at there. My mom and dad came out with brilliant ideas on this house, most of the furniture in this house are unique and custom-made, and distinct, the house design is so remarkable that it attracts a lot of people to photograph my house. Many have since copied my house design, they came and took photo of it showed to the contractors, some who went unreasonable and asked us to give them our blueprint, some wanted to come in and take photo, only one was being bastard and bribed our architect to give them our blueprint. The architect had done nothing about the design, we just hired him to put a signature on the blueprint.

Still got 3 days left, in fact tomorrow will be my last day on here, I'll be going penang before I leave. Each departure saddens me. I got 4 dogs right now, 1 beagle, 1 rottweiler and golden retriever mixed, 1 shi tzu and maltese mixed, and 1 pure breed poodle. 2 indoor and 2 outdoor, my home is so much warming with their presents. How can i leave? It's a bull shit that overseas is better than here, I'm different.

Release

There is no more I can do as a brother, I feel everything I ever did was a failure.

I think it's time for her to decide her own fate, her fate is not what I can dictate.
As her brother, I do wish everything that is good for her, but what she ever did was defy me.
She defies me of all the advice that I've given her, frustrating, until I have to tell myself to let go of her already.

About 99% of the arguments from my family stem from her, the 1% not from her, is the case scenario that is out of my imagination. So I guess it's time that I leave her alone, from now on for every mistake she does or any wrongdoing she does, is no longer my concern.

I don't wish to be inside the argument anymore, I'm very tired of always trying to save the situation while lecturing her, as I have just used a rude word in front of my parents for the first time ever in my life. It's disrespectful to my parents and also a big disgrace for me as well. I thought I could live a life ever without using a rude word in front of my parents, but I have failed.

She has made me broke my principle, it breaks my heart as well.
Go, and have your own life, I have no right to interfere anymore.
If she blames me one day, I'll show her what I've written.

Difference

Time is running low again. I still got a few days left before I leave here.

There are so many things that I'll miss, this simple town of mine, is more than it looked.
Back there, many people said that it's greater than here, people were persuading me to migrate to there, thinking it is better than anywhere in Malaysia, especially the wages and living condition.

They don't know what kinda life I have here. I have a very comfortable life and a loving family, I got a house which needs about 5k just to maintain every month (electricity, water bill, and other incidental expenses like internet). How can there be compared to here? The person who asked me to migrate vigorously came from a hawker stall family, and of course, when he got about 2.8k wages per month over there convert to RM he'll have RM 7-8k, the pay is better. But he didn't realise he is working as the lowest level job in the society, he works as a storekeeper, and another man works as a waiter. They've already felt proud of it.

To clarify, you'll only get 2.8k aussie dollar per month if u work 11 hours of pure labour everyday non-stop. For those who had worked that long before, you know it suffers more than death itself. You'll feel your leg like it's broken, your body pains like hell, and that pure pain persist for everyday, and u not getting any rest at all. It's true, I describe the experience not just according to myself, but from what they shared with me. The toll that is taken from the body: severe damage to the skin and nails of your feet, leg muscle damage that will take effect when you are old (u will not be able to walk properly or crippled when the time comes, if u over exert ur leg)

That is for the hardcore who solely wants to make money rather than caring about their own body.
So I think the best is you earn 2k aussie dollar max and maintain ur own body at the same time.

Those who migrated there were seeking to improve their life. But my life is good and doesn't need any improvement by going there, because it does no more improvement but a downgrade of life if I migrate to there, I'll improve my life further at here.
Some more when you migrate to there, life will be so lonely, extremely boring and pathetic. So far I have never seen anyone who migrated there lives a merry and jolly life yet. They all live in a house where it's so freaking dark and quiet at night you cant even see the road. People that you can mix with have been cut down to little, but if you can impress the white who live there maybe you can be friend with them who always look down to asian. I would say good luck with that.

After all these years, I have learned that 85% of the people who migrated to Australia live a solitary life, they have few friends and live in every single boring day. Unless you assimilate into their culture, mix with white, or local asians, you wont find Australia a happy place to live. The most painful about this is you have to act like them, and forget about ur own identity and style.

It's better to stay at our own place and think about how to improve our living condition and make money, rather than go overseas and work as cheap and low job, and then satisfy with the wages after it is converted into RM. I think if you migrate to overseas, most likely you'll work like this forever, unless you got skills and high qualification.

I know I can earn more if I go Australia and practice law, but I can equally earn that much as well if I stay and work at here.
There is no need to work overseas and convert the wages to make it looks a lot, you can be successful and become rich anywhere you want, not just overseas.

It's not because only if you go overseas then you can be successful and rich, that is wrong thinking.
Some more I live a luxurious life here, I don't want to migrate there. It will be me who's going to maintain it that way in the future, it'll be me who going to pay the bill one day.

Regretted of fooling around

I wanted to say this for a very long time already, I'm regretted of fooling around.

There was a time when I did a lot of fooling around or flirting with girls, and I used to say something which let them think that I actually like them. But actually I never. There were times when people actually thought I like them, and I didn't care. I just like to play with them by flirting.

Now I'm extremely regretted, because there is one girl whom I think she thinks I like her. And it is not alright, because we are friend, and each time when I speak with her, her reply is so weird!

I'm quite speechless, lol.

Pure pressure

There's a sheer amount of pressure on me right now. When it's about the exam, I could feel myself crumbling inside.
And then my heart feels bitter and sour at once, it's what probably you called afraid, or intimidated.

I had never been so afraid of anything in my life, but my law exam.
I'm so afraid, because my parents spend so much money for me, they provide for me to study overseas, and I'm a big squanderer.
With all those things together, it means I can't fail in my studies. Not even once.
Nobody could imagine or comprehend the pressure that I'm having right now, the feeling of worrying about how good you are in the law exam, not even a bit.

I can try describe some situations that are more or less like mine right now:
(1) it's like falling from the sky, knowing that you'll die when you reach the ground. But that is not the main concern, the main concern is about the feeling that you get when u fall from a high sky.
(2) It's like you gamble all your money in a casino, your entire property all in, and then you lose your gamble. The feeling is like that exact few minutes when you lost everything.
(3) It's like you have lost hope and everything in a split of second, but that feeling persist for a very long time.

I was a fairly good student during my high school, I scored 7 A1 and 3Bs in my SPM. The Bs are chinese, english and malay.
Apparently I wasn't any good at my languages, and yet I chose to study Law, a subject which involves a lot of language skills.
During the second half of my first year law school, I had a lot of struggles in the exam.
The least that I would like to experience was the aftermath of the exam result announcement, because honestly my result wasn't any good at all. It was horrifying, and I had to live with it every single day of that period. I was terrified to the max, because, Imagine I always used to have a fairly good score on my exam, and then my exam result was totally like shit, at this crucial and important stage of my life. Can you imagine how it is like?

I do not like law actually, I wish I could find a fond in it, but too bad I can't.
Law is freaking boring and not lively at all, it's pretty much a dead subject.
The only thing I like about law is it can make me a lot of money, and also serve justice for the people.

I carried a noble intention initially, when I chose to take the course of studying law.
I thought I could one day, serve justice and equality for the people, which is something that I upheld the most.
But sometimes I feel my heart is just not big enough to accommodate this big and noble intention.
I sometimes feel it is too much to fill this heart alone.

I realised the fine line that separates a great man from a normal guy, I can actually see it.
To cross that line is not as easy as you say, it requires a lot of determination, lots of will, and a big heart to accommodate all the failure and hardship that you are likely to experience.
I'm still not sure I'm that material yet.

Am I a great man? Or a normal guy?

I'm doing something which is not my strongest, imagine you cant do math but you do actuarial study in university.
I'm a person with a lot of ideas and capable of giving a hell good of arguments.
But I feel I'm limited by my language effluence.

What is my future from now? I don't wish to be afraid of my law exam anymore. I wish to be confident like I always did.
I was a person who walked in to the exam venue at the exact time when it started and leave before it ended, and score A at the end. Now I'm afraid to the stage that I can feel coldness has consumed my heart.

I wish this all end soon. God please help me, if you chose me to hand down your divine retribution. Please make my heart stronger and bigger, so I can accommodate all these and move forward. Make my efforts and endeavors a fruitful one. Take away all my worries and pressure, and insert a hope that is promising. Amen.

Malaysia

I'm back to Malaysia already! surprised by the upgrade in my house.

My mom bought a lot of furniture, no wonder she wouldn't allow me to buy a car already, must be a pressure for her to spend so much money at once. Still with all those new furniture, it doesn't make my house feel cramped, it just makes it feels less empty.

Today is the second day already, I hadn't got a chance to say good bye to my friend, who was going to Australia for further study, because he switched off his handphone. I was supposed to call him when the first day I arrived, and before he flew to Australia.
Good Bye Meng, hope u have a great time over there at Australia.

I'll update the blog later, I'm going out for CNY pasar malam!

Left

New song, but I don't think it's good.

I don't have inspiration this lately, because again, no relationship with any girl, which is my primary source of inspiration.

离别

It sucks I admit, wrote already so I put it out.
Oh, I'm going back to Malaysia. =)

Happy chinese new year everyone!!!

I love this shit!!! damn hilarious!!!!

Funny

So many half-naked pictures, it was hot this lately.

It feels funny to me of what people think about my bank account, while I'm already at a level that they can't even comprehended.

I not bragging, but some people can never imagined. People would usually be squandering if they were in my shoes, but not me. I only squander for myself, not for other. In fact, I'm very stingy to things that I don't feel it's important. For example, I don't feel it's important to go for a vacation, therefore I would be very stingy in this case.

I don't like the idea that people have in their mind. People would usually take advantage of you when they know you are capable in terms of financial. That is what I hate the most, I can only be generous for people convenience. For example, I can be generous as to allow a person to drink the milk I bought, only for her convenience, not for long terms feeding her for free. Things that arent't really constantly consuming my money, like borrowing a book or any equipment to a friend is fine. I don't see why my milk has to be finished so soon, and other foods that I bought have to finish so quick, and I have to go out and buy it again, and come back to constantly feed people for free.

Most of all, I don't like the thought of feeding people for free, while it is other person's parent's job.

Apparently some people do have a bad thinking, it's somebody who told me that.

There are two noticable traits that I discerned over the past years, my friends who are very financially capable are better in his manner in terms of things that I mentioned above. They wont take your advantage and they always being fair and generous. (note that our generousity is only for convenience and friendship). In contrast, friends that are not very financially capable tend to take advantage of other people, and they will feel it's normal and smart to do so, because people are capable.

I think most of the people already knew about what I have said, I didn't say it because I'm so damn care about it, or too scrupulous. I only say it because I can only feel comfortable in the way that I always be. Or maybe I only say it because of my libra character as well.

Lastly, there are people who think like what I have said, and they think it's perfectly normal and smart. And they will surely feel offended of what I have said. But I don't give a damn care about them.

For a start, they already lack the good personality which everyone ought to have, are they lacked of home education or due to their predicament, are none of my concerns as well. You don't accept a badly made things, because of you know the reasons why it was badly made, but you concern about the improvement or proper functions, that it should have.

Peaceful

I'm quite enjoy the time here, being peaceful and quiet.

I didn't feel lonely at all, instead I feel very comfortable and warmth. I have become so accustomed to alone, sometimes I would feel any sound or noise that is obvious is a nuisance to me. I think, that is only when I was at home, I would still want to have a lot of friends out there.

I wouldn't dare to say I enjoy my housemate absence, she might be reading this haha. I just say I enjoy the peaceful quietness.
She is coming back soon, right?! right!

I'm going back to sleep... it's too comfortable, I feel I don't wanna get up yet.. Jalja..

Card

I just recieved a bad news, my mom is going to take back my Platinum Card!!!!
Well, just one. She is going to take away my Mastercard and left a Visa for me.

She asked me to use cash, instead of using credit card. But I'm not the person who uses cash a lot, I like to keep my wallet thin and neat. I usually carry about less than 100 bucks, the rest like shopping I would prefer to use credit card, it's much more a convenient tool than owing the bank money, I don't eat or owe people money, that is my principle. (Therefore, I would belittle anyone who does things against my principle, a person with such personality is equal to a shit, to me.)

The stupid government is going to charge us for having a lot of credit cards, it seems they are discouraging people to use a lot of credit and subsequently build up a lot of debts with the bank. The government will start to "suck" our money for having an extra card starting this February.

I just called my mom and asked her not to cancel my credit card so soon, because I know when I do shopping, two cards is very useful as you can switch between card to avoid the cooling down. (the safety net to avoid people who stole your card to make a lot of purchases). The CNY shopping frenzy is getting near! I need two cards as always to complete my CNY shopping.

Damn, how can I live without cards? I have 3 cards when I turned 18, 2 standard and one gold, and 2 more platinum when I turned 20. One gold had been canceled due to the reason because I couldn't purchase alcohol with it, two standard had been canceled during the recession because I changed bank. Now only left one plat =(

I have been very dependent on cards, until the stage I would feel sad if no card for me to use. My parents have spoiled me, I guess.

I will pay 100 bucks to save my card, that is what I intending to do. The problem is I'm not going back to Malaysia! there is no chance to negotiate with my parents, they seemed to be not caring about it, they gave me the cards out of their convenience, hence will not respond to any of my request.

Danceroid

Last time I introduced a meido dancer named Minka Lee, she is now my most favourite dancer on internet. I just checked her Japanese Blog last few days and found out that she has recently formed a dance group, called Danceroid.

It seems that she gathered all the internet video dancer and formed a group with them. I have seen all their dance videos long before their group is formed, the other two members aren't good as Minka.

Got one too skinny, and the other one I don't how to describe, just not very appealing to me. I have my eyes on Minka only, who appears to be quite fat when compared to those skinny and short girls.

I like the song very much, even though it sounds like for girl only, I just enjoy the melody. It's a bit japanese techno style and it's nicely composed.

I think I would like to try to compose Japanese style song already, wanna give it a try =)

Sunny Day

The weather was so hot yesterday until this evening and it turned better.
Can you believe it was 46 degrees? I not sure whether it was 46, but that's what I heard from my friend. I did feel like 46 degrees! I got a fan but to no avail, the wind blown from the fan was hot!

I like the weather in Malaysia, but not like this one. This one feels like in a oven.


First picture of this year, which I just took it just now. Luckily the heat wave is over, and it's cold again. The weather in Australia feels like in desert and then suddenly feels like in ice land.

Class

Last night my friend K said something that really makes me think a lot, he said he only able to chase A to B class pretty girl, not S class.

S class is the best of the best. We work at a restaurant, we able to see lots of pretty girl dining in our restaurant almost everyday. Of course, we have seen S Class many times before not just once, it's not because they are more rare than A or B class, Australia got a lot of S class pretty girl.

It's just that the S class speak english mostly, and they are normally higher in standard than A and B class. My another friend A once said that I got the potential to chase S class, I don't really know what it means.
Probably the S class's life is a bit different than A or B class, or maybe their prespective is a bit different assuming they are higher in standard and they stand at a higher ground, looking at things from the top. Or maybe they see things differently, since they are S class, they probaly met a lot of people before already.

I don't have much to say, I'm still thinking what S class girls want.

Kara

Kara is a popular korean girl band which I personally quite like, I didn't know about Kara until my friend introduced me. The first MV I watched was this one, the song name is Mister.

It was damn enjoying to watch their dance, I feel the song is so so, but the dance is so captivating, lol, especially the lalalala part when they sway their butt.

Perfume!!

One of my favourite band! I used to dislike techno, but that was before perfume added Cuteness to techno!!! their songs are now in my iPod! I listen to them almost everyday!!

Most important is their dance! totally out of this world!!!

Oh ya, if you wondering what they are playing in that MV, that is called pika-pika, it's very popular in Japan.

Club Prince

Ahhaha, I super love club prince, so cool lol !
You know why? because almost all of their MVs got pretty girl dancing at the background lol!!!
And their songs are nice of course!

New song again

I was extremely busy this lately, I work for 12 hours per day! Totally have no time for blogging or onlining.

But I have written a new song, it's called 想这样

I don't have a lot of inspiration this lately, but I tried to squeeze out any juice that was left. Merely because I felt I should at least write a new song for the start of the new year, luckily I did finish a song in one day, but it took me quite a lot of time (more than 4 hours). That is the difference between when I got a lot of inspiration (1-3 hours one song) and little inspiration.

Anyway, I can produce a song anytime that I want, just it takes longer when I don't have a lot of inspiration, that's why I wont be doing that so often, once a while is ok.

Happy New Year~

It's kinda late now, but I still feel I wanna write a post to wish everyone Happy New Year!

My new year celebration was nothing, I had to work the day before and after new year until 11 p.m. Then hang out with friends at a not so crowded place.

Anyway, I'll try to update my blog more. I'm not a person who needs to work, but I'm now working at full time because the employees are few and there's not enough person to help. That's what hinders me to update more frequently. In short, nowadays I'm very busy.

Happy New Year again everyone! Especially to my friends at Malaysia and Taiwan.